


Say It Back

by wordsnnotes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (because I'm basically sex illiterate and also plot reasons), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Dialogue Heavy, Easter Eggs, Friendship, Harry and Liam are brothers and part French because of reasons, Harry and Zayn are childhood friends but haven't talked to one another in years, I can't help it, Loneliness, M/M, Minor Character Death, No Smut, Siblings, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Some humor (I tried), Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Ziam is only in later chapters sorry, because apparently that's my style, like before the story starts but it's still affecting one of the characters deeply, some original characters but not too important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23869336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsnnotes/pseuds/wordsnnotes
Summary: University AU in which Harry and Louis are both as lonely as the other but don't realize it. They are hired to work at the same research lab and get off to a somewhat awkward start. Niall is their enthusiastic yet slightly overwhelming lab manager, and Zayn is Harry's long-lost childhood friend who realizes he's never quite forgotten his crush on Liam, Harry's big brother.Or: Harry doesn't know what he wants; Louis is too caught up in his problems to care about what he wants; Niall knows perfectly well what he wants, and that's to be everybody's best friend and comic relief; Zayn thought he knew what he wanted until he's reminded of the past; and Liam has come to terms with the fact that it's okay not to know what you want sometimes.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 37
Kudos: 107





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> A few disclaimers and notes before we start (feel free to skip them, they're mostly for my own sake):
> 
> 1\. This is my first real attempt at writing fanfiction. Hopefully it doesn't show too much, but let's face it, it probably does.
> 
> 2\. I'm VERY new to this fandom (as in, I got into 1D in January). Hopefully it doesn't show too much, but let's face it, it probably does.
> 
> 3\. Even though I'm pretty much bilingual, English is not my first language, and as per points 1 and 2, I obviously don't have a beta. Hopefully it doesn't show too much, but let's face it, it probably does.
> 
> 4\. None of the family situations/members that I describe are meant to portray the boys' actual families (obviously Harry and Liam are neither brothers nor part French, although wouldn't that be nice?). So don't be surprised if their names are different or if Louis is a single child. I just wouldn't be comfortable writing about their actual families - not judging or criticizing anyone who does, just the way I personally feel about it :)
> 
> 5\. This fic is dedicated to my fellow lab members, who won't ever read it because they have no idea I'm writing fanfiction instead of my thesis.
> 
> 6\. The title comes from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypmes7XisTg) song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested, I made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2EJCzL8QoheL1y6fyveRPA?si=vvJUnKRVRM6MnygOa6hngQ) with songs that fit chapters 1 and 2's themes and moods.  
> [Fic post](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/post/626276139015585792/say-it-back-by-wordsnnotes-aka-quelsentiment)

First day of the term. Harry didn't know how he felt about that. Sure, it was his third year already, and the campus definitely seemed like a second home to him by now, but he was still overwhelmed with everything that he would have to deal with in the coming months. Assignments, mostly. Constant doubts about his major – he asked himself almost everyday whether English was really the right fit for him. Social events – those had to be the worst. Harry was a first-class introvert, and in his two years on campus, he hadn't really managed to make any close friends. He sometimes hung out with people from his classes and occasionally forced himself to attend a house party, but he still spent the majority of his time alone, studying in quiet places or writing in his room. He liked being alone, really, but sometimes he missed having someone with whom he could talk about his obsessions, which generally revolved around old-ish music bands, unpopular sports, and cheesy TV shows. So, when he really needed someone to talk to, he would call his brother Liam, but he sometimes felt self-conscious about it. Liam would ask him about his friends and Harry would find himself making things up, but he knew Liam didn't really believe him. The truth was, Harry had been relying on Liam too much these past few years, even though he knew it was pathetic to be best friends with your big brother. But it wasn't his fault if Zayn's family had moved out right before grade 12. And now, of course, neither Liam nor Zayn were at university with him, so he felt completely lost.  
  
Anyway, on top of it all, today was Harry's first day at his new job. Over the summer, he had heard about an opportunity to work at one of the English department's research labs, and he had applied for the job, not really thinking he would get it. Yet, by some miracle, he had been hired to work there 10 hours a week, and now he was on his way to the training session. Everytime Harry had to go to a new place and interact with new people, he was feeling extremely anxious, and today was no exception. Thankfully, he had already checked where the lab was – down a dark hallway in the oldest wing of the Humanities building – so at least he made it on time to his appointment with the lab manager. He took a deep breath before knocking weakly on the door, telling himself that everything would be okay, as long as he didn't act too awkwardly. Ha.  
  
A guy with a round face, blue eyes, brown-ish hair and a big smile opened the door.  
  
"Hi! You must be Harry. I don't think we've met before. I'm Niall, the lab manager. Come in, mate!"  
  
Harry had actually seen him before. He was a teaching assistant in one of the intro classes that Harry had taken in his first year. But seeing as Harry never spoke up in class, it was no suprise that Niall didn't remember him.  
  
"It's nice to meet you", he said quietly with a smile as Niall was closing the door.  
  
"We're waiting for another newbie, he should be here any minute now. But in the meantime, you can sit at one of the computers and turn it on."  
  
Okay, that shouldn't be too difficult. The lab was a medium-sized room that was very bright thanks to a large window overlooking the campus grounds. Tables with computers were placed all along the walls, and there was also a large round table in the middle of the room. A white board was hanging on the wall facing the door, and it seemed to be covered in doodles and random words and numbers that didn't make sense to Harry yet. There was no one else in the room, which somehow reassured him, but he still felt stupid because he had assumed that he would be the only new person to be hired. But maybe that was actually a good thing. He and the other guy would maybe bond over their shared status as new recruits. Right?  
  
Harry was settling in at one of the workstations near the window when they heard three energetic knocks on the door. Niall almost jumped out to open it.  
  
The person that came in was a skinny guy on the shorter side, with artfully disheveled brown hair, piercing blue eyes and sharp features. Harry recognized him immediately as this annoying guy that was in the same intro class that Niall was a TA for, and that he had spent his entire first term hating. Okay, maybe hating was a strong word, but this guy had – unwillingly – made Harry quite miserable on many occasions. Basically, he was the kind of person that seemed very confident and passionate, always spoke up in class and always seemed to have something to say and knowledge to share. It was because of people like those that Harry had spent hours questioning whether he really belonged in English, in Academia, and in the world in general.  
  
"Hey mate", Niall practically shouted with enthusiasm, "it's good to see you! I remember you from English 103, two years ago I think." Of-fucking-course Niall would remember him. The majority of the course had basically consisted in the two of them having deep conversations about the cultural impact of 19th century literature while the rest of the class was supremely bored.  
  
"Hi! Niall, right? Long time no seen." His loud, high-pitched voice literally made Harry flinch with memories he would have rather forgotten.  
  
With a grin larger than ever, Niall turned towards Harry to introduce him.  
  
"This is Harry. He's just starting here as well."  
  
The guy walked up to him and held his hand out. Harry carefully shook it, wondering if he should get up from his chair.  
  
"Hi, I'm Louis. I don't think we've met?", he asked with inquisitive eyes that seemed to pierce right through Harry's.  
  
"Um, I was actually in English 103 as well", Harry mumbled. He could feel that he was flushing. Shit.  
  
Niall's head turned towards him so quickly that Harry worried about his neck for a second.  
  
"Wait, really? I'm sorry I don't remember you."  
  
Harry shrugged. "I'm more of a back-row kind of guy, I guess."  
  
Niall stared at him incredulously as if he didn't even understand how someone could choose to sit in the back row, while the annoying guy—Louis, apparently—was still looking at him with furrowed brows.  
  
"Right!", Niall slapped his hands energetically. "Let me show you lads what we're doing here. Maybe you can share a computer for now, we'll go through the basics together."  
  
Louis nodded and sat next to Harry, who immediately felt on edge. Maybe it was because it had been a while since he had sat so close to a complete stranger, or maybe it was because he wasn't feeling particularly enthusiastic about this stranger. Anyway, he should really get a grasp.  
  
The next hour was spent with Niall explaining to them what their main task would be, and how to use the appropriate software for it. The lab's primary goal was to electronically transcribe the letters, diaries and manuscripts of 19th-century writers, with the ultimate purpose of uncovering secrets about their writing processes.  
  
"As new research assistants, your main task will be to transcribe whatever document I give you, word for word. It really has to be precise. Hopefully, you won't have too much trouble with the handwriting you come across, but it can occasionally be difficult to decipher. You'll see that it's quite boring and repetitive, although the authors write funny stuff sometimes. In a few months, when you gain more seniority, maybe you'll be able to do some analytical work as well, but the decision is up to Dr. Holden ultimately."  
  
Harry was trying to keep up, taking messy notes and already feeling completely overwhelmed. Louis, on the other hand, seemed on top of it, nodding at regular intervals and looking at Niall with a serious face.  
  
"Oh, by the way Harry, Dr. Holden mentioned you were fluent in French?"  
  
Niall and Louis both turned to look at him and Harry flushed – why was he flushing, for God's sake? It was a completely harmless question.  
  
"Um, yeah, my... my mum is actually French, so... I guess I'm bilingual." He hated himself for not being able to give a straight answer, ever.  
  
But Niall didn't seem to be fazed.  
  
"Cool! That's lucky because one of the authors we're looking at actually uses French sometimes, so we could really use your help to make sure we're transcribing everything correctly. And you could even help us translate it?"  
  
"Um yeah, I mean... I'm not an actual translator, but yeah, I can always try? If you think I can do it."  
  
"Of course! Thanks man", Niall said even more enthusiastically than before.  
  
It seemed that, throughout the past few exchanges, Louis had kept his eyes on Harry. Harry turned to look at him, and when their eyes met, Louis' immediately looked down, then back at Niall. Harry felt his heart race, wondering what this was all about.  
  
Niall spent the rest of the training session giving them some technical explanations on how to use the lab's computers and software, and neither Harry nor Louis said anything else. As they were about to wrap up, a group of people entered the room.  
  
"Oh, you guys are here, just in time to catch our newbies before the end of training!", Niall exclaimed. "Everyone, this is Harry and Louis. They're both in third year and they'll be helping us with transcription." He then gestured over the three people who had just come in.  
  
"This is Lisa, she's our most senior lab member – besides me of course."  
  
Lisa was a small, smiley girl with a round face, round glasses, brown skin and curly black hair.  
  
"Oooh, hi guys, it's so nice to meet you! We haven't had anyone new here for a while, it's so exciting!"  
  
She definitely seemed to have a bubbly personality, but not as overwhelming as Niall's, and Harry liked her immediately.  
  
One of the other two people who came in was Anna, a girl with short bright red hair that Harry had definitely seen around the department before. She seemed to be on the quieter side, which made her gain sympathy points from Harry as well.  
  
The final person was Alex, a tall guy with shaved hair, glasses, tattoos on his weirdly pale arms, and sophistically casual clothes. He looked like a complete hipster and Harry felt intimidated by him, until Alex walked towards them with the biggest smile ever and shook their hands firmly, before proceeding to ask them a few questions, looking genuinely interested in what they had to say.  
  
“So, are you guys friends? Did you apply to work here together?”  
  
Louis cleared his throat. “No, it’s actually the first time we meet each other.”  
  
“Oh, really? That’s weird, isn’t it? I would have thought all the undergrads knew each other.”  
  
Louis didn’t seem to be inclined to answer, so Harry made the rash decision to chime in.  
  
“The department’s… quite big”. He saw that both Alex and Louis were looking at him quizzically, so he immediately backpedalled. “It’s not, it’s quite small. But, like, you can get lost… in there, you know? I don’t know, it just feels big to me, I guess”  
  
Alex, bless his heart, was nodding like he understood whatever the fuck Harry was on about, while Louis was looking at him with raised eyebrows, clearly amused.  
  
Thankfully, Niall came to interrupt them.  
  
“So, lads, we’re all gonna go get lunch at the grad house as a welcome back treat. You’re welcome to join us, of course.”  
  
Louis replied with an excited “Yeah, that sounds great!”, while Harry started to internally panic. He really wasn’t mentally prepared to spend a whole lunch with a bunch of strangers today, no matter how nice they all seemed.  
  
“Um, I would have loved to, but there’s actually a class I need to go to”, he blurted out. Technically, he did have a class today, but it was only in 3 hours so he definitely would have had time to go for lunch. But he really needed his alone time to do some serious reflection right now.  
  
“Oh, we’ll miss you, man! But don’t worry, we have plenty of social events lined up for this term, so we’ll have other opportunities to catch up.”  
  
“Cool!” Harry tried his best to smile and look genuinely excited about the prospect.  
  
They all left the room and started walking down the dark hallway, Harry and Louis side by side behind the rest of the group. They kept quiet for a few meters, then Louis broke the silence.  
  
“So, what’s your class then?”  
  
“Oh, um, it’s like an introduction to songwriting. I’m a Creative Writing minor.”  
  
“Really? You write songs?” Harry could feel Louis’ intense stare on him, but he didn’t look up from his shoes.  
  
“Sometimes, yeah, I guess. But it’s all self-taught, so I wanted to learn how to do it a little more professionally.”  
  
“Do you play an instrument then?”  
  
“I mean, I kind of play the guitar, like, enough to accompany myself, but I’m pretty shit to be honest.”  
  
“Still, it’s cool.”  
  
Harry felt himself blush and was thankful for the dim lighting. They finally reached the end of the hallway, which was kind of a cross-roads between different wings of the building. He forced himself to say, not quite loudly enough:  
  
“Alright, I think I’ll leave you guys here!”  
  
But the four grad students were pretty involved in their conversation and didn’t hear him. So Louis used his naturally loud voice to seemingly shout:  
  
“Guys, Harry’s leaving!”  
  
They all turned at once and Niall exclaimed:  
  
“Right, well it was great to meet you! Can’t wait to hang around with you at the lab all the time, amiright?”  
  
“Um, yeah, yeah, I’ll definitely come in tomorrow I think. And it was really nice to meet you all as well, enjoy your lunch!”  
  
He smiled and waved at them as they started to walk away, then turned to look at Louis, who was still standing next to him. God, his eyes were really blue.  
  
“Thanks for, um, catching their attention.”  
  
“Ha, yeah, no worries. When you have a voice like mine, it would be a shame not to use it, you know?” And he actually winked. “Anyway, I guess we’ll see each other soon.”  
  
“Yeah. For sure. Um, see you, then.”  
  
And Harry chose a random direction and started to walk away.

***

  
  
Harry wandered around aimlessly on the university grounds for a good ten minutes, replaying the entire morning in his head and already regretting everything he had said. Gosh, they probably all thought he was weird or, even worse, rude. He had failed to ask them any question about themselves, and he couldn’t believe he had shared that he was shit at guitar with this Louis guy, while he didn’t even know the first thing about him, including his last name. He promised himself he would make it better as soon as possible, and try to have a personal conversation with every lab member. The thing was, he was much better in one-on-one settings than in groups, but he doubted that the lab environment would allow for a lot of those. Maybe he should try to come early in the morning, and catch whoever arrived first? Yeah, that sounded like a good plan.  
  
Eventually, he decided to go for lunch at the vegetarian cafeteria. It was by far his favourite place to eat on campus, as it was not super popular among students and you could be sure to find an empty table, even at peak hours.  
  
As expected, the cafeteria was pretty empty, with only one person in line before him. As he was about to step up in front of the counter guy, whose back was facing him, his phone started to ring—it was probably Liam calling him to know how his training session had gone. Harry was fumbling through his pockets to find his phone and mute it when he heard a somehow familiar voice say:  
  
“Alright, what can I get y— holy shit, Harry, is that you?”  
  
And yep, the voice was definitely familiar. Standing in front of him was a guy who could only be described as “exceptionally handsome” despite the fact that he was wearing a slightly ridiculous hygiene cap and a stained apron. Standing in front of him was the guy that he had met in kindergarten, was already way too cool for him back then, and yet had become his best friend. Standing in front of him was the guy who had taught him how to skateboard, the guy who had been the first to encourage him to write, the guy he and Liam had spent countless hours playing video games and watching Friends with. Standing in front of him was the guy who had moved away right before grade 12, and had slowly stopped answering his messages. Standing in front of him was the guy he hadn’t spoken to in more than 3 years, and yet still showed up in his thoughts on a daily basis. Standing in front of him was Zayn Malik. 

***

  
  
“So, how long have you been here?”, Zayn asked. It was thirty minutes later. Zayn had just ended his shift and had come to sit at Harry’s table. He looked more like himself without his work clothes on, but there was still something different about him. More… rough, maybe.  
  
“I came here right after high school, so I’m starting my third year now.”  
  
“Same for me, man. I can’t believe you’ve been here all this time and yet we never saw each other.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, that’s crazy.”  
  
“Could have been different if you had been on social media though”, Zayn smiled. The fact that Harry refused to use things like Facebook used to be a constant source of banter between them.  
  
“Don’t start”, Harry scoffed. It caught him off-guard, how natural and easy it was for him to talk and joke with Zayn, even though they hadn’t spoken in years. But Zayn had always had this innate ability to make him feel comfortable in any circumstance, so maybe it made sense. Maybe some things just didn’t change.  
  
After a few seconds of silence, Zayn shifted in his seat and started:  
  
“Look, Harry, I really want to apologize for failing to stay in contact with you back then.”  
  
Harry swallowed.  
  
“Oh um, yeah… It’s fine, it was a long time ago, I guess.”  
  
“No, really, it was shitty of me”, Zayn replied heatedly. “You were my best friend and I shouldn’t have treated you like that. So, again, I’m really sorry, but I don’t expect you to forgive me and it’s okay if you don’t.”  
  
Harry let out a sigh and said:  
  
“Look, I’m not going to pretend that it didn’t hurt and that I didn’t miss you. But I also always assumed that something serious must have happened in your life for you to just stop talking to me like that. And, I guess I’ve always been frustrated with that. Like, not knowing what had happened to you, and not understanding why you didn’t tell me about it. I’m fine now, really, but I’ve always wondered I guess.”  
  
Zayn nodded and looked at him with serious eyes.  
  
“Yeah, I understand and I’m sorry. And you’re right, by the way. Something did happen, and I guess I owe you an explanation now. ”  
  
“No, you don’t owe me anything", Harry protested. "I mean, I’m ready to listen if you want to tell me, of course, but please don’t feel like you have to.”  
  
“I think I want to.”  
  
“Okay." Harry thought for a few seconds and added: "Do you want to get out of here and walk around for a while?”  
  
Zayn nodded and they left the cafeteria. They walked in silence for a few minutes. It was the ten-minute break between two periods, and everyone around them was rushing from building to building. Eventually, Zayn said in a quiet tone, almost whispering:  
  
“So, I’m bi.”  
  
Harry nodded while saying in an equally quiet tone: “Okay.”  
  
Zayn turned to look at him. “You’re not surprised?”  
  
Harry smiled. Zayn had always been considered the school’s heartthrob and had dated a fair number of girls in his time, but he had also always suspected him of having a massive crush on Liam.  
  
“Should I be surprised?”  
  
“No, I guess not.” Zayn looked away as he continued: “Anyway, a few months after I arrived at my new school, I fell for this guy and… I guess he fell for me. So we started seeing each other, but he wanted to keep it a secret. And I was fine with that because, you know, I wasn’t out and I’m still not out to my parents. Let’s say that they’re not the most open-minded people on this planet, unfortunately.”  
  
Harry just nodded, feeling like it was best not to say anything for now.  
  
“Anyway, this guy was closeted too, but the problem was that he had a girlfriend. At first I thought that he didn’t care about her, that he was using her as some sort of cover, and it all felt so fucked-up, but he kept promising me over and over that he would break up with her soon. But he never did, and I started to realize that he actually cared about her, that he cared about us both equally, and that he just couldn’t choose. In retrospect, I think he might have been polyamorous, but we never talked about it. And the problem was that he was hiding our relationship to his girlfriend, and I was feeling more and more guilty about it. So, in the end, I broke up with him. And it fucked me up really badly. It took me almost a year to get over it. And I know meanwhile you were sending me messages, but at first I was buried too deep into this relationship to think about anything else, and I think I just forgot to answer. And then, when things ended, it just felt too late somehow, and you had stopped trying to reach out in the meantime, which I don’t blame you for. But, I guess I didn’t know how to break the ice, and I was feeling so bad for being such a shitty friend. I thought maybe it was for the best to just let it go. But I want you to know that I still think about it every day, and maybe eventually, I would have tried to reconnect. Probably, actually. I’ve really missed you and your curls, Hazza.”  
  
He reached out and pulled gently at Harry’s hair. Sometime during his monologue, they had reached the fountain at the center of campus, and they had stopped to stand in front of it. The grounds were quieter now that the classes had started again, and the only sound they could hear was the water cascading from the fountain. Harry smiled at Zayn and admitted:  
  
“I’ve missed you too. I really have.” And he pulled him for a hug. Even though they had rarely hugged before—Harry was not really one for touching—he had a weird feeling of familiarity, like he was somehow coming home.  
  
“I’m really sorry about what happened, Z.”, he whispered. “And don’t worry about me, okay? The important thing is that we’ve found each other again, so let’s just be happy about that.”  
  
He felt Zayn nodding over his shoulder, and after a few more seconds, they both let go. 

***

  
  
The day was finally over. It had to have been one of the most eventful days in Harry’s entire existence. He still couldn’t quite believe that Zayn was back in his life, just like that, but he felt grateful for it. He didn’t expect them to go back to being BFFs right away, but hopefully they’d get there, little by little.  
  
As he was lying in his bed and about to turn off the light, he realized that he had forgotten to call Liam back. It was pretty late, but he knew for a fact that Liam was so overworked that he had trouble falling asleep, and would most likely be awake still. And, indeed, his brother picked up almost right away.  
  
“Harry! I was starting to get worried.”, he said in his typical tongue-in-cheek tone.  
  
“Yeah, sorry, it was a busy day. You’ll never guess what happened.”  
  
“Ooooh you got me hooked, I’m all ears man.”  
  
“I ran into Zayn right when you tried to call me earlier.”  
  
“Zayn, as in the Zayn? Zayn Malik?”  
  
“Yep.”  
  
“What the fuck, is he studying at your university?”  
  
“Yeah, turns out he’s been here for two years too, but we never ran into each other until today.”  
  
“Holy shit, that’s crazy!”  
  
“Yeah, you’re telling me.”  
  
“But like, you hadn’t heard from him in years, right?”  
  
“Yeah, he kinda stopped answering my messages a few months after he moved away.”  
  
“Hm, I remember. So, how did you feel about seeing him again?”  
  
“Okay, really. He explained to me what happened back then, and apologized. And now I feel quite relieved actually. Like something was lifted off my chest. I guess I always wondered what went wrong, and if I was at fault somehow. But now I know it’s not the case, so that’s good.”  
  
“So, do you think you’ll see him again?”  
  
“Yeah, definitely. We’ve already planned to hang out this weekend.”  
  
“That’s great, man. I’ve always liked the kid, so hopefully you can be friends again.”  
  
Harry smiled. Liam always had a positive outlook on every situation, and even though it sometimes annoyed Harry, who was more of a pessimist—or, as he said, a realist—it was in moments like these that he was grateful for his brother’s optimism.  
  
Liam continued cheerfully:  
  
“So, apart from that, how was your day? Did your training session go well?”  
  
And Harry proceeded to tell him about it, describing each lab member as precisely as possible, painting Niall in a funny light—he was sure the guy wouldn’t have minded—and leaving out the parts where he had been awkward. He also told Liam about his songwriting class, which had actually been pretty amazing. It was a very small class of about 10 students, which Harry greatly appreciated. The professor had announced that there would be bi-weekly guest lectures with local musicians, and Harry was really excited about it. The only stressful thing was that they were expected to bring their rough drafts in class every week and provide feedback for each other’s songs, and Harry was already feeling self-conscious about it. But that was a problem for next week Harry. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy the fact that, all in all, this first day had gone surprisingly well—one might even say it had gone better than expected.  
  
He suddenly felt like he had been talking about himself for too long already, so he asked:  
  
“Anyway, how are you doing?”  
  
“Oh, you know, same old same old. My life is not half as exciting as Mr. Busy’s life over there.”  
  
Harry scoffed.  
  
“How’s work?”  
  
“Stressful, exhausting, not fulfilling at all. So, you know, the usual.”  
  
Liam had started a job as a data analyst at an IT company a year before. Harry wasn’t really sure what he did exactly, but all he knew was that Liam hated it and was already considering quitting and pursuing something else, preferably in a creative domain. But abandoning his financial security was obviously a tough decision to make, and he had been going back and forth with it for a few months.  
  
“I’m sorry. I wish you could be here and we could study together.”  
  
“Me too. But I’ve already done that, unfortunately. So now, you have to enjoy it for the both of us.”  
  
Harry wondered if it was a way for Liam to tell him that he knew Harry was not exactly living his best student life.  
  
“I’ll try”, he promised. “But maybe not tonight. I think I should go to sleep now, I kinda promised myself I would go to the lab early tomorrow.”  
  
“Yeah, of course. Well, sleep tight, little brother. Oh, and next time you see Zayn, tell him I said hi.”  
  
“I’m sure he’ll like that”, Harry smirked.  
  
He hung up and turned off the light, feeling like, maybe for once, he’d get a good night of sleep. 

***

  
  
The next day, Harry showed up to the lab at around 8.30, expecting to be the first one there. But when he opened the door, he was surprised to see that that guy Louis was already there. His back was facing him, as he was sitting at one of the tables that were against the back wall of the room.  
  
“Oh, um, hi!”, Harry said tentatively as he closed the door.  
  
But Louis was wearing headphones that were probably blasting music, as he didn’t seem to hear Harry and continued staring at his computer screen.  
  
Shit. This was typically the kind of situation that Harry had wanted to avoid by coming here early. Should he try to catch Louis’ attention by being louder? Should he go tap on his shoulder, at the risk of frightening him, and was it even worth it just to say hi? Should he leave the room and try entering it again in a less discreet manner?  
  
He almost decided to leave the lab entirely and come back later today, but that seemed slightly ridiculous, so in the end he just settled at the table closest to the door and started working. He knew it was a stupid plan because Louis would notice him eventually and things would inevitably be awkward, but oh well. He could always deal with that when it happened.  
  
After about 30 minutes, he heard steps coming from the hallway, and Niall pushed the door open in what seemed to be an unnecessarily spectacular way. As soon as he came in, he exclaimed:  
  
“Oh, perfect! Just the two lads I was hoping to see today!”  
  
Louis, of course, heard him, and he removed his headphones as he turned around on his seat. After he took Niall in, his eyes settled on Harry and his eyebrows noticeably shot up. But, before he could say anything, Niall continued:  
  
“I’ve been trying to add you lads to our Facebook group so you can know all about our upcoming events. But I couldn’t find either of you. So, just to check, the names are Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, right?”  
  
Louis Tomlinson (Harry committed his last name to memory, without really knowing why) replied:  
  
“Well, I’m not actually on Facebook.”  
  
And wasn’t that interesting.  
  
“Yeah, me neither actually”, Harry added.  
  
“Oh well, I guess you guys are actually younger than us old geezers. What about other social media, then?”  
  
And right as Harry was saying “I… don’t really do social media”, Louis answered “Sorry mate, there’s no such thing for me”.  
  
They looked at each other in an amusedly surprised way while Niall cackled:  
  
“Okay then, I guess you guys are the old geezers actually! Well, anyway, I wanted to let you know that we’re going to the campus pub’s trivia night on Saturday evening. You’re welcome to join, of course, and it’s even better if you bring friends! We desperately need some people whose realm of knowledge extends beyond 19th century lit.”  
  
And, surprisingly, the idea appealed to Harry. He’d always loved trivia, and he was pretty sure he could convince Zayn to come. So, he replied:  
  
“Yeah, that sounds great! I’ll have to check with my friend but I’ll definitely try to make it.”  
  
“Cool! What about you, Louis?”  
  
“Yeah yeah, count me in.”  
  
And Niall looked like he had just met Santa.  
  
“Now, can I interest you in some coffee? I’m about to go make some in the kitchen.”  
  
Harry and Louis both nodded, and Niall quickly took off, whistling some joyous Irish folk song.  
  
There were a few seconds of silence as Louis stared at Harry wordlessly. Eventually, he asked in a neutral tone:  
  
“So, how long were you here for before Niall came in?”  
  
Harry blushed and mumbled: “I don’t know, ten minutes?”  
  
Louis raised his eyebrows in disbelief.  
  
“Times three, maybe”, Harry amended, his cheeks now actually burning.  
  
“Right. And is that a habit of yours, entering a room without saying hello?”  
  
Louis looked deadly serious, and Harry felt on the edge of panicking.  
  
“I’m sorry, I tried to catch your attention but you didn’t hear me. But I should have tried harder and… sorry I was rude.” His voice broke. Shit, he really needed to get himself together before Louis realized how much of a weirdo he was.  
  
“Hey, hey, Harry, I was joking. It’s fine. You have a quiet voice, I get it. And I shouldn’t listen to music too loud anyway, so thanks for the reminder.”  
  
Louis smiled, for the first time since Harry had met him the day before. It was quite a lovely smile, all in crinkled eyes and shiny teeth, and Harry felt himself smile in return.  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
Niall came back at this exact moment and Harry felt somehow disappointed that their… moment had been interrupted. He kind of had a hard time figuring out Louis’ personality. Right then, he had just gone from snarky to awfully sweet in a matter of seconds, and Harry didn’t know if he found it annoying, stressful, or exciting. In any case, he probably wasn’t as bad as Harry had first imagined based on the memories he had of him from his first year. As much as he didn’t like to admit it, Harry sometimes tended to be prejudiced against people, and that was a good reminder that he should really try to get over this tendency.  
  
Niall asked them if everything was okay with their work, but they had both just started and hadn’t run into any issue yet. Harry was feeling pretty good about the job itself for now. Sure, it was going to be quite repetitive, but he actually enjoyed these kinds of brainless activities where he could just forget about everything for a while and relax.  
  
They all went back to work after a few minutes and Harry got lost in the diary page he was transcribing. The author was going on and on about the compared merits of different types of tobacco, and that was actually quite an amusing read.  
  
After a while, he felt movement behind him and saw that Louis was about to leave. As he was sliding his grey backpack over his shoulder, he said:  
  
“Right, I’m heading out. Thanks for the coffee, Niall.”  
  
Niall waved him out cheerfully and Louis headed towards the door. Just as he was walking past Harry’s table, he quietly said:  
  
“Later, rude boy.”  
  
Harry almost jumped on his seat and turned towards Louis, trying to find something to answer, but Louis had already closed the door.  
  
His heart was racing and it took him a good five minutes to be able to calm down and go back to work. But, for now, he chose to blame it on coffee. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A *massive* thank you if you've made it this far! I'm deeply honored, and I hope it means you've enjoyed it at least a little.  
> If you have anything to say or ask, you're welcome to do it below or over [there](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/ask). And if you don't, that's totally fine too (I never had anything to say until quarantine started)
> 
> Anyway, [merci beaucoup](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n27IAeg4nE8)


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens before, at, and after Trivia Night
> 
> Also, POV switch baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I honestly didn't except to be finished with chapter 2 so soon, but I guess that's what happens when you're quarantining by yourself, and your thesis - aka the only thing you should be working on right now - has reached some sort of a dead-end. To be fair, I also ended up postponing one of the scenes to the next chapter for POV consistency.
> 
> For those interested, I made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2EJCzL8QoheL1y6fyveRPA?si=J_-CeyIUReCpasCHQKSuZw) with songs that fit chapters 1 and 2's themes and moods.

On Saturday morning, Louis woke up with a hangover and a stranger in his bed. Wait, scratch that. _He_ was the one that was in a stranger’s bed. It was most likely the early hours of the morning. The windows had no curtains so the sunlight was starting to enter the room, slowly creeping over the bed and their two bodies. Louis looked over at the guy lying beside him, hoping that seeing his face would jolt his memory. But no such luck. Last night was a total blur. As always when he found himself in those types of situation—and it was more often than he liked to admit—Louis wondered what was the most ethical thing to do. Should he stick around and wait for the guy to wake up, even though it might take hours and he really didn’t want to deal with the awkward interaction they would inevitably have? Should he just sneak out without saying anything, and pray he would never run into the guy again? Eventually, he settled on his usual middle-ground solution, which was to sneak out _but_ leave a note. He found a scrap of paper on the guy’s desk and quickly scribbled:

“Sorry, had to go. Not really sure what happened last night, but thanks for letting me crash in anyway ;)”

Maybe it was shitty of him not to sign or leave his number, but whatever. He just couldn’t bring himself to care right now.

As he was walking through the deserted streets to go back to his off-campus apartment, he wondered how he had managed to once again find himself in this situation. Getting drunk and hooking up with random boys was not exactly an unusual thing for him to do, but the last time it had happened had actually been back in May. He had spent the entire summer at home, reading classics curled up in bed, getting into arguments with his mum, trying not to bore himself to death at his part-time job and, most importantly, actively avoiding everyone he knew from before university. The latter meant that he never went out for fear of coming across old acquaintances, so he’d basically gone for three months without getting a shag, which was maybe for the best anyway. He had even planned to continue this no-hookup thing once he got back to university because, let’s face it, having sex with strangers would _never_ make anything better. But his loneliness had probably got the better of him last night, and he had found himself walking to the local gay club without really meaning to. 

And now here he was, stumbling back to his room at 6 am, and putting the kettle on before doing anything else. He wondered for half a second if he should maybe go back to bed, but he knew it would be useless. He’d been having trouble sleeping for over two years now, waking up at ungodly hours in the morning, and always unable to go back to sleep. So he’d learnt to deal with that and make the most out of these early mornings. Actually, today was not so bad. Starting his day at 6 instead of 4 almost felt like he had slept in. He decided to do some school work. These past two years, he had always been on top of his readings thanks to these unusual sleeping habits, but this year would be a little different because of his new job at the lab. He had decided to go there as soon as he woke up on weekdays, since no one had told him that he couldn’t come at 5 am. And no one had questioned him so far, probably because they hadn’t realized how early he arrived. This past week, the first one to come in had generally been Harry, and he arrived at least three hours after Louis. 

Not for the first time this week, Louis’ mind focused on Harry for a while. Quickly after they’d met at the lab, Louis had actually realized that he remembered the guy from that 1st-year class they’d both taken. Well, he mostly remembered a much younger-looking Harry, kind of rounder and softer than today’s Harry. Back then, Harry was always entering the room just before class started, sat at the back, and left as soon as the prof was done. Still, Louis had noticed him because, well, he was cute. But there were a lot of cute guys at this university, and Louis had completely forgotten about this particular one, until he showed up at the lab. And even then, it had taken him a second to recognize him, because Harry had had quite a glow-up in the past years, and had basically gone from cute to handsome. Anyway, the guy was extremely shy and seemed to cope with it by smiling constantly at everyone, his dimples on full display, and that was possibly the most endearing thing Louis had witnessed for a while. Plus, there was something calming about him, and in just a few days, Louis had come to look forward to their quiet encounters in the lab. As soon as he came into the room and said hello with his signature low voice, Louis felt immediately less tense and more focused, and what was that about? If he hadn’t known himself better, he would have said he might have a thing for the guy, and a pretty serious thing at that. But he hadn’t had a serious crush since that disastrous experience in high school, and he was convinced he’d never be able to fall in love again after everything that happened. No, maybe Harry had some kind of superpower. Yeah, that definitely sounded more likely.

Anyway, enough about Harry Styles. He should really focus on his readings now.

***

The day flew by without Louis realizing it. He hardly looked up from his books, and forgot to eat lunch because who cared about food when he could be reading Dickens? He’d become pretty obsessed with classics after high school ended, and in a way, literature had become his coping mechanism.

Thankfully, he had thought to set up an alarm for 5.30 to remind himself to prepare for Trivia Night. He was actually quite excited about it, as the last time he’d gone out without the intention of taking a stranger home had been… Well, he actually couldn’t remember. The thing was, he’d never actively tried to make friends here, mostly because he didn’t think he could handle it at first, and then because it had been too late, or so it seemed. Also, he was well aware that most of the other English undergrads found him obnoxious, and he really couldn’t blame them. But he just couldn’t help popping off in class with the profs and TAs (see: previous point about literature being his coping mechanism). Anyway, tonight was finally the occasion to casually hang out with people who seemed nice and chill. He could tell Niall and him had the potential of becoming good friends, as they were already bantering back and forth quite a lot. And he hadn’t hung out with the other lab members since his first day, but they’d all seemed pretty cool. He had casually mentioned he was gay when they all went out for lunch together, and none of them had batted an eye. As for Harry… He hoped tonight was his chance to crack his shell open a little.

He quickly took a shower, changed into something slightly less casual than sweatpants, spent several minutes fixing his hair just the way he liked it, then took off. Trivia Night was happening at the campus pub, which meant he had to walk through the city centre to university. It felt slightly bizarre to be making this journey on the evening and not the early hours of the morning. He was used to the streets being quiet and half-dark, but now the city was buzzing with students joining their friends at their dorms for pre-drinks. Louis made it to the pub a little before the trivia competition started. He quickly spotted Niall and the other lab members sitting in a booth. 

“Louis, mate! So glad you came!” Niall exclaimed. “We’re still waiting for Harry, but he should be here any minute. In the meantime, any idea for our team name?”

“How about ‘The Pickwick Club’? I was just reading _The Pickwick Papers_.”

“Hell yeah, I’ll drink to that!” Alex approved as he raised his glass of beer towards him.

“Thank God you came, those guys would have gone for ‘The English Dept’s Hotties’ otherwise”, Lisa smirked.

“That’s… terrible”, Louis replied, shaking his head and pretending to look horrified.

Just as Niall was pouring him a pint of beer from the enormous pitcher they had ordered, Harry appeared at their table, and he had company. Louis remembered that Harry had mentioned he’d try to bring a friend, but damn, he didn’t expect that friend to be so freaking hot. Actually, he was pretty sure he’d seen that guy before at the gay club he was usually going to, but he’d never had the guts to approach him.

“Hey guys! This is my friend Zayn. Zayn, here’s Niall, Alex, Anna, and Louis”, Harry said as he quickly gestured to everyone.

And wow. Harry sounded much different, louder and more confident than usual, and Louis suspected that Zayn had something to do with it. Unless Harry was drunk, but he didn’t seem to be, and Louis didn’t really picture him as the drinking type. And indeed, when Niall made for Harry’s glass to get it filled, Harry quickly said that he wasn’t drinking.

“Me neither!”, Lisa chimed in. “Let’s go to the bar order some fancy mock cocktail, shall we?”

Harry nodded happily, and they both took off. There were a few seconds of awkward silence where Zayn looked at them and they looked at Zayn. Eventually, Anna asked:

“So, Zayn, how long have you been friends with Harry?”

“Oh, a very long time, but I guess you could say a very short time as well.”

“Oooooh, mysterious, I like it”, Niall slurred, and was it possible he was already drunk? 

“Yes, please tell us more”, Alex said in his quietly intense way.

“Well, Harry and I go back to kindergarten, and we were friends all the way to high school.”

Louis felt his heartbeat go faster at the too-familiar story, and he forced himself to keep his eyes on his beer.

“And then what happened?”, Anna asked.

“I moved away before grade 12, and we lost touch. We didn’t see or talk to each other for like three years. But then, literally five days ago, we ran into each other at the cafeteria.”

“A tale of rekindled friendship. That’s beautiful”, Alex said.

And Louis wholeheartedly agreed. His eyes were stinging with tears, but he was still staring at his beer, hoping he would get his shit together soon.

Thankfully, Harry and Lisa came back at that exact moment, and they also heard the trivia host announce the beginning of the game.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur for Louis, who drank beer after beer and was not sober enough to really concentrate on any question that didn’t have to do with literature, which was, unfortunately, the majority of them. Zayn was sitting next to him on the booth seat and, in other circumstances, Louis would have been distracted by that, but tonight he only seemed to have eyes for Harry, who was facing Zayn. The two of them definitely looked close. There was an easy camaraderie between them, and it quickly turned out that they were their best chance at winning this thing. Harry seemed to be a walking encyclopedia when it came to music, sports and TV shows, while Zayn, who was a film major, could be counted on for any question related to art.

The last category of the night was devoted to the Premier League, and now was finally Louis’ time to shine. Besides literature, his other obsession was footie, and this one was a lifelong one. It quickly turned out Harry was as obsessed with it as he was, while the rest of the group couldn’t care less.

“You guys should switch places”, Lisa said to Harry and Zayn. “Let’s let those two work on it while we can all relax.”

So Harry took a seat beside Louis and they both got ready to write down their answers on the sheet that had been provided to them. Things went smoothly until the very last question, which was about the final score in the decisive game that had seen Chelsea win against Manchester City in the previous season.

“I’m telling you it was 2-1.”

“And I’m telling you it was 3-1. They scored at the very last minute”, Harry argued.

“Yeah but it wasn’t accepted by the referees in the end. I’m sorry, but you must have turned off your telly too soon.”

“You’re completely making that up”, Harry scoffed. “Plus, you’re drunk and I’m not, so I think it’s pretty obvious I’m right.”

Wow, that kid was actually quite cheeky, and Louis knew he would be fonding over this the next morning, but right now he just wanted to prove he was right, goddammit.

“Right, let’s settle this, then”, he said. And turning towards the others, who were all looking at them with amused faces, he asked: “Guys, what do you think? Should we go with Harry’s answer or mine?”

“I mean, Harry makes a good point. You’re clearly drunk”, Anna said, looking genuinely sorry for him.

“I’m gonna have to go with Harry too”, Lisa said.

“Sorry, Harry’s my mate”, Zayn apologised.

Niall was actually passed out on the table.

“I trust a drunk man!”, cried Alex who was quite drunk himself.

“Not that it changes anything”, Louis mumbled as he watched Harry write “3-1” on the answer sheet.

They then had to swipe their answer sheet with another team to mark it, while the organizers were going through the answers to each question. Of course, they kept a perfect score up until the last question, when the host announced:

“Now, this was a pretty tricky one. Chelsea did score a goal in the very last minute of the game, but after much debate it was denied by the referees because it turned out it was offside. But their announcement kind of got lost in the midst of Chelsea’s celebration. Regardless, the final score was 2-1, and not 3-1, as a lot of people seem to think.”

“Now, what did I tell you?” Louis exclaimed, probably a little too loudly. “Can’t believe we’re gonna lose because Harry here looks like a posh church boy and you wouldn’t trust the drunken Northern guy.”

“Yeah, shame on you for being so prejudiced, guys”, Alex added while playfully rolling his eyes.

Harry looked genuinely upset and pleaded: “I’m so sorry guys, that’s totally my fault if we don’t win, I should have trusted Louis…”

“Dude, I was joking”, Louis said in a comforting way because he somehow couldn’t stand to see Harry upset. And Harry did look relieved to hear it.

They decided to wake Niall so he could hear the final team rankings. Alex, then Zayn unsuccessfully tried to shake him up, but Niall seemed to be completely gone. So Louis decided to help and shouted as loud as he could: “Niall, lad, wakey wakey!”

And, sure enough, Niall opened his eyes, looking completely disoriented. The rest of the room had gone quiet, and it seemed like all eyes had turned to their booth, including the trivia host, who was looking at them quizzically.

“Sorry, guys, had to proceed to an emergency wake-up. We’ll try to keep it down now!”, Louis said, wearing his friendliest smile.

“Better say that _you’ll_ try to keep it down”, Zayn smirked. “ _You’re_ the one who just destroyed everybody’s eardrums.”

Louis’s drunken mind tried to come up with a witty reply, but thankfully the host started to announce the winners. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t make it to the first place, but they were still in the top 5, which seemed to excite Niall beyond measure.

“Lads, we made it, I can’t believe we finally made it! Been waiting for that to happen for literal years, and now we made it, thanks to our newbies. I’m so grateful I could cry.” And indeed, he seemed on the verge of tearing up.

“Right, I think it’s time we call it a night, mate. I’ll walk you home”, Lisa offered, who was the only one beside Harry who had stayed sober.

“Yeah, I think I’ll go too, I have an early shift at the library tomorrow”, Anna said.

“Oh, might as well accompany you, since we’re going in the same direction”, Alex said in a slightly hesitant way.

“Sure”, Anna accepted while blushing slightly, and Louis thought he could sense some unresolved romantic tension between those two. Interesting.

“Right, and I bet you two are leaving together too, so I’ll just be on my own then”, Louis said to Harry and Zayn in a dramatic way as they were walking out of the pub into the cool September night.

“Actually, dude, you look pretty hammered yourself. I mean, you can hardly walk straight”, Zayn pointed out. “Maybe we should walk you home too?”

“No, no, I’m totally fine”, Louis replied, and just as he said that he tripped and would have ungracefully fallen on his bum if Harry hadn’t caught his arm with a firm grip. 

“Come on, Louis, where do you live?” Harry asked in his low voice as he was releasing his arm, and Louis immediately missed that fleeting contact between them.

“Downtown. It’s like, a 15 minutes walk”, he mumbled.

“Let’s go, then”, Harry said decidedly.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. The fresh air seemed to do some good to Louis, who was managing to walk a slightly straighter way. Eventually, Zayn broke the silence.

“So, Louis, I think I’ve actually seen you around.”

Louis snorted.

“D’you mean, at a certain club on Friday nights?”

“Um, yeah, that one.”

“Are you guys not so subtly referring to a gay club?” Harry asked.

“Yeah”, they both answered at the same time. Then: “Sorry, didn’t know if you were out.” And they burst out laughing.

“Well, that much for being subtle”, Louis said. “But, seriously though, I’m surprised someone like you would notice someone like me.”

“What the fuck do you mean?” Zayn looked genuinely startled.

“Well, obviously you’re beautiful, like, god-level beautiful. And I’m just your average cute guy from South Yorkshire.”

“That’s bullshit”, Zayn flushed. “You have way more charm than I do.”

“I don’t think either of us makes a good judge. Let’s ask Harry here, he’s been awfully quiet ever since this conversation started.”

“Sorry, what?” Harry asked, who pretended to look startled but didn’t fool anyone.

“Oh come on, who’s the most fit? Zayn or me?”

“I don’t know, I… I never thought about it.”

“Hear that? He’s never thought about it!” Louis said jokingly, and he just couldn’t seem to stop. “Come on lad, you can be honest.”

“I’m serious, I don’t know. I guess you both have compared merits?”

“A very politically correct answer, I’m not surprised”, Zayn said fondly.

And with that, they reached Louis’ building.

“Well, lads, this is where I leave you. Zayn, it was a pleasure to properly meet you”, Louis declared as he and Zayn high-fived energetically. “Curly, I’ll see you on Monday”, and he didn’t know what possessed him to 1. use that nickname and 2. pull Harry for a hug.

He felt Harry’s body go tense in his arms, so he almost immediately let him go. Both Harry and Zayn were looking at him with startled eyes, Harry looking slightly terrified on top of it.

“Um, sorry, got carried away. Right, I’ll see you guys later”, and Louis quickly disappeared behind the door, completely mortified and wondering what the fuck was wrong with him.

***

On Sunday, Louis woke up at 10, something that actually hadn’t happened since he’d left high school. It was probably due to the combination of the two pretty wild nights he’d had. As he was making tea, his mind went to the way he had parted with Zayn and Harry the previous night, and he immediately concluded he’d rather not think about how embarrassing he’d been. So, he spent his entire Sunday actively avoiding to think about what happened, busying himself with readings, his weekly strained phone call with his parents, and a run along the river.

The next day, he was unfortunately back to his usual sleeping patterns, so he made it to the lab around 6 am. Harry generally arrived between 8 and 8.30, and as the time got closer, Louis grew more and more fidgety and less and less able to focus on his work. Even the ambient music he was listening to wasn’t helping. Finally, he heard the door open, and he immediately turned around to see Harry, who seemed to be back to his quiet and soft self.

“Hi Louis, how was your Sunday?” Oh well, at least he was trying to make conversation now.

“Oh you know, pretty quiet”, Louis replied evasively. Then he took a deep breath before carrying on: “Look, Harry, about Saturday, I really wanted to apologize. I was pretty drunk but I know I was being overwhelming, and it was not okay for me to hug you like that. I mean, we hardly know each other and stuff, it’s not like we’re close friends or anything, so… I know that was weird.” He heard his own voice grow less and less intelligible as he was speaking, in a proper Harry move.

“Oh, thanks, but don’t worry about it”, Harry replied in a seemingly casual way. “I mean, as you said, you were pretty drunk, so that’s understandable. I haven’t even thought about it since Saturday.”

And Louis was pretty sure Harry was just playing it cool for his sake, but he didn’t want to push it either, so he chose to move on.

“Anyway, you and Zayn were so fucking good at trivia, man. You know so much about music, I’m properly impressed! No wonder you’re into songwriting. How was your first class by the way?”

Harry looked so surprised and pleased that Louis had remembered about it that he actually got chatty and started sharing details about his class and his professor, and they were soon sharing anecdotes about the worst and best profs they’d had so far.

They had been talking seamlessly for at least ten minutes and Louis was mentally high-fiving himself when Niall entered the room and swallowed the air out of the room with his vibrancy, as he was prone to do.

“Harry! Louis! My heroes! I mean, especially Harry… Still can’t believe how good you were at trivia, mate.”

“Oh, uh, thanks!” Harry looked flushed, but also quite pleased.

“And that Zayn dude too, you’ll have to bring him back!”

“I’m sure he’d love that.”

“So, by the way, what’s the deal between you two?”

Uh-oh. Here it was. Louis had to admit that he had also wondered whether Harry and Zayn could maybe be more than friends, but he was ready to bet that Harry would hate to discuss it. And indeed, the boy looked startled by the question.

“I’m not sure what you mean…?”

“Well, Zayn told us all about how you used to be friends and how you recently reconnected. But you guys seemed so close, so I guess I was wondering whether you two had something else going on there?”

“Oh no, not at all. It’s… not like that.” Harry was frowning and Louis could sense him withdraw into himself.

“Oh really? I could have sworn.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m… not into Zayn like that, and I know he’s not either.” Harry’s voice was almost inaudible by then.

“Are you sure? You two would make quite the team!”

At that, Harry literally flinched, so Louis had to get involved.

“Niall, mate, just drop it, yeah?”

Niall looked at him, surprised, then seemed to reconsider and turned towards Harry to say:

“Oh yeah, of course. Um, sorry, I tend to get into other people’s business, that’s a bad habit of mine.”

Harry, who had been looking down at his shoes for the last few exchanges, muttered:

“It’s okay, I understand.” And, not adding anything else, he turned towards his screen and put his headphones on.

The atmosphere remained tense for the next hour, as they were all diligently working in silence, which was quite unusual in the lab. The mood was generally much lighter, as someone (generally Niall) would interrupt everyone’s work every ten minutes or so to make a joke or share a funny sentence they were transcribing. 

After a while, Harry got up from his chair and said:

“I have to go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

And before either of them could react, he was out of the room.

Niall immediately turned towards Louis and asked:

“Shit, do you think he’s upset with me?”

“I doubt it. I mean, have you seen him? I’m pretty sure he’s physically incapable of being mad at someone.”

“Still”, Niall shook his head. “I know I embarrassed him somehow, I feel so bad about it. Thanks for telling me off by the way. Do you think I should apologize again, like when I see him tomorrow?”

Louis considered for a minute.

“Honestly, I think it would make it even more awkward if you brought it up directly to him again. Maybe just text him and try to be subtle about it?”

“Ha. Subtlety’s not one of my virtues. But I’ll try. Thanks for the advice.”

They grew silent and Louis was about to get back to work when Niall suddenly asked:

“But seriously, though, why do you think he reacted like that? Didn’t you think there might also be something happening between him and Zayn? You know, as a guy who knows what it’s like being into other guys.”

“I mean, yeah, maybe”, Louis shrugged. “But apparently it’s not the case. Or he doesn’t want to admit it. Or he’s straight.”

“Oh, do you think he could be straight?”

“I don’t know, all I’m saying is I think it’s better not to assume anything about people until they tell you or show you. And it seems like Harry’s not ready to do that yet, so we’d better cut him some slack.”

Niall nodded: “Yeah, you’re right. Damn, you’re a wise man, Tomlinson. For an undergrad, I mean.”

And Louis smiled: “I try, I try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note about the Chelsea v. Manchester City debacle: I completely made that up. I'm quite the football enthusiast when the French national team is involved, but I know nothing about the Premier League. So I'm asking for a bit of suspension of disbelief here ;)
> 
> Anyway, wherever and whenever you are, thank you so much for reading this, and an extra virtual hug if you've been leaving kudos or comments. I hope that you're doing as well as possible, and that you're managing to find reasons to stay positive in your daily life.
> 
> If you have anything to say/ask, you're welcome to do it below or over [there](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/ask). No pressure though! 
> 
> Until next time, take care. E.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back with Harry's POV.  
> He and Zayn have a pretty serious conversation. Niall throws his birthday party and drama ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back and thank you for being still here! Hope everyone is doing well :)  
> I did some reorganization and it turns out this thing is gonna be (at least) one chapter longer than expected, yay!
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bZr5BhEt0qpAEVhlhj6z9?si=qpANrSJYS9ifYXsQBhR0Ag)'s the playlist for this chapter, hope you enjoy :)

Harry walked through the hallways and left the Humanities building without really thinking about it. It was only 9.30, and he had many hours to spare before his songwriting class. He’d intended to spend the whole morning in the lab, but he felt pretty embarrassed about how he’d reacted to Niall’s harmless questions and how Louis had to “rescue” him. Plus, this whole conversation had sparked an endless flurry of thoughts in his brain that he just couldn’t ignore. When Niall had interrogated him about Zayn, Harry had said that he knew that his friend was not into him. The truth was, he didn’t actually _know_. Sure, he’d always assumed it was Liam that Zayn had his eyes on, but what if he was wrong? What if, for the entirety of their friendship, Zayn had had a crush on him, and Harry had been too blind to see it? Even worse, what if Zayn still had a thing for him, and was hoping something would happen between them? Harry really didn’t want to hurt him and ruin their new-found friendship by rejecting him… Okay, now he was spiraling. He really needed to clear that up like, right now. So he got his phone out and texted Zayn:

“Hey, are you at work yet?”

Zayn replied almost immediately:

“No, I only start at 11. What’s up?”

“Kind of need to talk to you about something. Nothing too serious, don’t worry.”

“Okay, let’s meet in front of the library, I’ll be there in five.”

Harry went to get coffee because it always made him feel better, then walked to the library and spotted Zayn waiting for him, sitting on the steps at the entrance. He smiled and waved at Harry to come sit beside him. Harry tried to calm down and sat next to Zayn, handing him a cup:

“Hey. I got you coffee, but now I realize I don’t even know if you drink it.”

“Oh man, that’s actually great, exactly what I needed right now.”

“Shit. Sorry. I hope I didn’t make you get up earlier than you’d planned.”

Zayn smirked and replied: “You kind of did. But it’s fine, don’t worry, and stop apologizing for everything, please.”

They sipped their coffee in silence for a few seconds, then Zayn asked:

“So, what’s going on? You had something to talk about?”

Harry put his cup on the floor by his feet and stuck his hands between his knees to prevent himself from twisting them.

“Right. Well, I was just at the lab earlier and Niall came in. And he started talking about Saturday, and how apparently the two of us look good together or something. So I just want to make sure. You don’t have, like, a thing for me, right? And you never did?”

Zayn looked both perplexed and a little sorry.

“Um, no”, he answered cautiously.

“Oh thank god”, Harry sighed with relief.

“Wait, ‘thank god’? I thought _you_ were the one who might have a crush on me!”

And now it was Harry’s turn to be perplexed.

“What? What made you think that?”

“I don’t know”, Zayn shrugged. “I guess the fact that, for the 10 years or so we knew each other, you never once mentioned having a crush on someone. So sometimes I thought that maybe you had a thing for me but didn’t want to admit it, but I was never sure. Like, I don’t even know if you’d even be into guys?”

Harry took a deep breath. He knew this conversation was coming, but he still felt wildly unprepared for it. But the only thing he could do about it now was go for it, so he did.

“Okay. Well, the reason why I never mentioned having a crush on someone was because I never did. I mean, never serious enough for me to mention it or do anything about it, you know. And I always felt weird about it, but I guess as long as we were friends I never really questioned it either. Like, why would I care about stupid crushes when I could just have the time of my life with you and Liam, you know? But then you left, and I realized that everybody’s number one preoccupation in high school was relationships and sex and I just couldn’t… relate.”

He glanced at Zayn to try to decipher what he was thinking, but he was just looking at him with a neutral expression, so Harry carried on:

“So, I started doing some research, and I guess I realized two things. The first one is that I’ve never really experienced sexual attraction and I’m just not interested in having sex, which makes me pretty asexual.” 

And that felt like he’d just admitted something massive. He looked over at Zayn once again, but his expression hadn’t changed. Okay, might as well be done with this.

“The second thing is that I feel pretty ambivalent about being in a relationship, even if it doesn’t involve having sex. Like, the idea of romance does sound appealing in theory, but I just have a hard time picturing myself in a relationship. And as I’ve said, maybe I’ve had a few crushes over the years, but they’ve never felt strong enough for me to try anything, you know? Like, I was happy about this person existing and being in my life somehow, and I liked thinking about them and even imagining we could be together in some way, but it was just… not intense. Not intense in the way it seems to be for other people when they have a thing for someone. Like, I’ve seen the way you were around Liam, and even though I could relate to some extent, I just also… couldn’t?”

“Wait, Liam?” Zayn had now lost his cool and was looking at him with round eyes.

Harry shrugged: “I mean, yeah, that always seemed pretty obvious to me.”

“Okay. Let’s get back to it later. So you’re saying you’re ace, and like, maybe on the aro spectrum as well?”

“Whoa, you know a lot about the terminology.”

“Dude, who do you think you’re talking to? I’m a bi film major who’s been lurking on Tumblr for years, of course I know about these things.”

Harry scoffed.

“Tumblr, man. I should have guessed. But yeah, that’s pretty much it. I’m still not sure about the romantic orientation thing, but I think it’s okay. And to answer your previous question, yeah, I’d be into guys. Actually, I think I’d only be into guys.”

Zayn put a hand on his shoulder and smiled softly.

“I think it’s great that you figured all of that out already! And I guess it explains a lot too, like your reluctance to talk about crushes, it all makes sense now. You must have been pretty relieved to find that out.”

Harry nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I was. And it feels good to tell someone else too.”

“Do you mean you haven’t told anyone else about it? Even Liam?”

“No. I really wanted to do it over the summer though. But I only saw him for a few days and I chickened out. I don’t know why, obviously I know he’ll be supportive. But it’s like I’m waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring it up like, in an organic way, and it just never happens. And I feel pretty bad about it... I don’t like the fact that I’m hiding some massive part of my identity to him, while he came out to us like eight years ago.”

Zayn tightened his grip on Harry’s shoulder then let it go.

“Hey, you shouldn’t feel bad. All you have to do is do things on your own terms, and I’m sure Liam would agree with that.”

Harry felt weirdly emotional and validated to hear those words come out of Zayn’s mouth. He lightly bumped their shoulders together.

“Thanks. Thanks for saying that. I actually feel relieved. I know it’s just a matter of time, I’ll probably tell him when we see each other during reading break. Plus, I’m pretty sure he suspects something anyway.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised, the guy’s always been quite perceptive.”

Harry smirked.

“I mean, yeah, except for the time he didn’t notice you had a crush on him for ten years.”

“Oh my god, was I that obvious?”

“Dude, you were always asking if Liam would be there whenever I invited you at our place. And like, you jumped on every occasion to show off your skating skills to him. Plus, the only time I’ve ever seen you blush was when he congratulated you for winning a Mario Kart party. So yeah, that was always pretty obvious to me, but I don’t think Liam ever noticed.”

“Well, that’s a relief, I guess.”

Harry smiled, then suddenly thought of something.

“But wait, I always wondered why you never told me about it. Was it because you thought I was into you?”

“Yeah”, Zayn nodded. “I didn’t want to break your heart by telling you I was into your brother and not you.”

“Wow, this whole pseudo love triangle would have been pretty fucked-up, right? Glad we established the truth now.”

“Well, I still don’t know about how Liam was feeling though”, Zayn pointed out.

“I don’t know, he’s always been pretty unreadable to me when it comes to that kind of thing”, Harry considered. “I guess it runs in the family. What I _can_ tell you is that he recently broke up with his boyfriend of three years, so he’s single now. Do with that what you will.”

“So, you’re telling me that you would approve if I went for it?”

“I don’t see why not. You’re literally my two favourite people in the world.” At that, Zayn uttered a quiet “Aww”. Harry blushed and continued: “Would you, though? Go for it?”

“I mean, that’s all theoretical, of course, who knows when I'll see the guy again? I like to keep my options open though”, Zayn answered with a knowing smile.

Afterwards, their conversation drifted to their classes and the short film project Zayn was working on. He was actually looking for extras, and Harry promised he’d try asking around at the lab and the department if anyone would be up for it. When they finally finished their coffee and Zayn left to go to work, Harry stayed on the steps for a few minutes, replaying the first part of their conversation in his head. He couldn’t believe he’d finally come out to someone, and that it had gone so smoothly. Zayn had reacted in such a comforting way, and now he was feeling more confident about eventually telling Liam. He thanked fate or whoever was responsible for bringing his best friend back to him. It had been years since he’d felt so positive about his life, and for once, he chose to be cautiously optimistic about the future.

Just as he was about to get up and go look for a study spot in the library, he got a text from Niall that said:

“Hey, sorry again about earlier. Didn’t mean to make things awkward, I got a proper scolding from Louis, ha! I forgot to tell you that I’m having my birthday party at my place at the end of the month, hopefully you can make it :)”

Harry smiled and quickly answered:

“Sure, can’t wait! And don’t worry, I wasn’t thinking about it anymore, you can tell Louis to chill out.”

***

In the weeks that led to Niall’s birthday, Harry got closer to him. After their little incident, it seemed that Niall had decided to tone it down a little around Harry. He was still his exuberant, enthusiastic self, but he was also apparently making conscious efforts not to overwhelm him with countless questions and comments, and Harry was grateful for it. They discovered that they had a similar taste in music, and they spent quite a lot of time exchanging recommendations whenever they were in the lab, to the point that Louis started complaining that they were distracting him from his work. Niall quickly learned that Harry was taking songwriting classes, and since it turned out he was quite a guitar prodigy, they started doing writing sessions together. Harry would show up at Niall’s place with some lyrics and Niall would help him with the melody, and soon they already had a couple of songs in their repertoire. Since Niall and Lisa were housemates, Harry also got the opportunity to get to know her better. Lisa liked to gently make fun of Niall behind his back and, more often than not, right in front of his face, and she quickly got Harry on board. One day that Lisa was imitating Niall’s way of handling his guitar like it was a fragile newborn and Harry was unapologetically cackling, Niall turned towards Harry and jokingly said:

“I feel betrayed, I thought we were friends!”

And Harry replied, beaming: “Of course we are, that’s why I’m laughing at you!”

And that was the exact moment that he realized that Niall (and Lisa) had indeed become his friends, and he couldn’t believe his luck.

As for the other members of the lab, Harry didn’t get to spend more time with Alex and Anna because they only came in the afternoon when Harry was at his classes. He did get closer to Louis too though, or at least it seemed so. Louis was inevitably already at the lab, no matter how early Harry came in. One day, he arrived at 7 because he’d had a tad too much coffee and was feeling fired-up about the letter he was currently transcribing. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see that Louis was already there, sitting at his usual spot. He made sure to close the door loudly, and Louis turned around, looking as startled to see Harry as Harry was to see him.

“Whoa. Didn’t expect to see you here that early”, Harry said. “What time do you actually get in in the morning? You’re always already here whenever I come in.”

And shit. Was that a weird thing to say? Would it make Louis freak out that he’d noticed that? But Louis just shrugged and answered:

“I don’t know exactly, it depends on when I wake up. But yeah, it’s usually pretty early, I don’t always… sleep well.”

He didn’t seem inclined to say more on the subject so Harry didn’t push it, but he realized that it was actually the first time Louis had revealed anything a little personal to him. The thing about him was that, just like Zayn, he was pretty good at getting Harry to talk about himself. Whenever it was the two of them in the lab, they had quiet conversations where Louis would ask him questions that were somehow personal but not in a threatening way, would earnestly listen to his answers—no matter how convoluted they sometimes were—and, most surprisingly, would remember everything Harry told him and reference it in later conversations. So, soon, it seemed that Louis knew everything about his friendship with Zayn, his relationship with Liam and his parents, and his songwriting attempts. But whenever Harry tried to ask him the same types of questions about his family and friends, Louis would answer evasively and would quickly find a way to redirect the conversation back to Harry. It seemed that the only topics he was willing to talk about at length were literature and football, and for now Harry was more than happy to hear about it, but he still wondered why Louis was so secretive about his life.

***

The day of Niall’s birthday party had finally come. Harry had asked Zayn if he wanted to join, but he was about to start shooting his short film the next day and was finalizing the last details. So Harry took it upon himself to go on his own, and he actually wasn’t feeling too stressed about it. After all, he’d been to Niall’s place several times now, and even though he knew there would be dozens of people he’d never talked to, he was reassured by the fact that at least five of these faces would be familiar ones.

When he made it to the house that Niall was sharing with Lisa and three other people that he hadn’t met yet, he came across Louis who was smoking a cigarette by the door. Louis smiled when he saw him and said:

“Hey! I’m glad to see you, I was feeling a little self-conscious about going in there by myself.”

“Really? I didn’t take you for the self-conscious type.”

“It only comes out when birthday parties with strangers are involved”, Louis replied in a serious tone, and Harry laughed.

“Yeah, I feel you. But I’m sure it’ll be okay, Niall said he invited lots of undergrads, so it’s not like we don’t know them.”

Louis didn’t seem to be particularly overjoyed to hear that, but he quickly finished his cigarette and they entered the house together. Even though they were a little early, the music was already blasting—after much debate, Lisa had apparently managed to convince Niall to go the pop way instead of his obscure rock bands that only he and Harry seemed to enjoy.

Harry guided Louis to the living room, and as soon as they walked through the door, Niall nearly jumped on them and pulled them both for a three-man hug.

“My two favourite undergrads! I’m so happy to see you, I’ve missed you!”

“Calm down, mate”, Louis protested with a fond voice. “We’ve seen each other literally yesterday. Also, happy birthday!”

“Yeah, happy birthday”, Harry said, his voice muffled against Niall’s shoulder.

Niall finally let them go and he was visibly tearing up.

“Mate, are you already hammered?” Louis asked amusedly.

“No, no, I’m just so excited!” 

Other guests were starting to arrive and Niall turned towards them to greet them excitedly while Louis rolled his eyes at Harry, which made Harry guffaw.

They both went to the kitchen to get something to drink and ran into the other lab members there. The five of them talked for a few minutes, but the room was quickly filling up with guests that were all looking for beer, and soon it became impossible to hold a proper conversation. Harry felt quite oppressed in this small room so he decided to go back to the living room, where he ran into some undergrads that he’d hung out with a few times in the previous years. They were not close friends by any means, but it seemed that they were happy to see him, and soon they were all catching up on what they had all been up to.

Throughout their conversation, Harry could see Louis standing by himself at the other side of the room and looking at their group. Harry tried to wave at him so that he could join them, but Louis didn’t react, and seemed to chug his beer in one go. Harry frowned and tried to focus back on the conversation, the back of his mind wondering what was up with Louis.

The next couple of hours were spent much in the same way. Harry kept bumping into old acquaintances from his classes and he was surprisingly feeling relaxed about chit-chatting with them for a few minutes. He’d always hated—or thought he hated—big parties like that until now, but he was starting to realize that maybe they were not that bad, and that everybody was actually not out to get him, but was just looking to have friendly interactions. Louis, however, did not seem to be enjoying himself. Harry didn’t see him talk to any other undergrad, and he was apparently getting drunker by the minute. His attention also seemed to be weirdly focused on Harry. At some point, as Harry was having a conversation with one of Niall’s friends about music, Louis came and stood next to Harry, his side bumping into his. As Harry was about to turn towards him and ask him what was up, Louis suddenly mumbled he needed another beer and left. 

It was at this moment that the lights went out and Lisa came in with the birthday cake, and the whole room started to chant “Harry Birthday” while Niall seemingly started to jump around like a 5-year-old. He blew out the candles in a spectacular way, then launched into a speech that Harry could hardly make sense of because Niall’s Irish accent got ten times stronger when he was drunk. At the end of it, though, he did get it when Niall exclaimed:

“Oh, guys, Harry and I wrote a song! Harry, lad, come over here, we have to play it now!”

Harry froze as all eyes turned towards him, including Louis’. Harry just wanted to disappear into a hole, as he was clearly NOT ready to play their song in front of everybody, but he also did not want to deny Niall a request on his birthday.

He quickly walked towards him and whispered to his ear:

“Are you sure? Aren’t you, like, too drunk to play the guitar right now?”

“Are you kidding? Nothing could ever stop me from playing!”

Harry sighed. “Okay, then, let’s do it.”

“Yes! I’m so excited!” Niall clapped in his hand and shouted: “Okay, everyone shut up and put yourself in a circle, Harry and I are gonna start!”

And before Harry could properly realize what was happening, the room fell silent and he was standing in the middle of it with Niall, who started to play the intro as perfectly as ever. Harry kept his eyes on him and Niall gave him a reassuring look just before he launched into the first verse. At first, his voice was quiet and raspy, but as the song went on he lost himself in the lyrics and the guitar, and he could hear that he was growing more confident. He’d written the song about his and Zayn’s friendship, and Niall had helped him craft an uplifting melody that had bittersweet undertones to it. When the song ended and everyone applauded, Harry felt like he’d just had an out-of-body experience, and he was surreally happy about having performed in front of what was essentially 50 strangers. Niall high-fived him and said “Well done!” as if it was no big deal, then bowed down to the crowd in a dramatic way. People started coming up to them and congratulate them, and as Alex was clapping his back, Harry caught Louis’ eye from the other side of the room. He held his gaze for a few seconds, but his expression was blank, and eventually Louis turned away and went out to the garden through the patio door.

After a few minutes, Harry managed to get away from the people that had swarmed him and Niall as soon as they had finished the song. He went out to the garden, and saw Louis sitting on a swing—yes, apparently Niall had a set of two swings in his garden, why was he not surprised? Harry came to sit beside Louis, who was smoking and seemingly avoiding to look at him. The night had truly fallen by now, but it was a full moon so Harry could still see Louis and his piercing eyes quite clearly, not to mention that there was a glowing light coming out of the house. Harry waited to see if Louis would acknowledge him but when he didn’t, he asked:

“So, is something wrong?”

“What do you mean?” Louis asked quite sharply, still not looking at him.

“I don’t know, you’ve been acting weird all night. I don’t think I’ve seen you talk to anyone, you seem to have been drinking quite a lot, and like… maybe I’m wrong, but you’ve been staring at me weirdly every time I was talking to someone, even trying to interrupt?”

Louis stayed silent for a few seconds, then suddenly turned towards Harry and scoffed:

“Staring at you and interrupting? Wow, mate, I didn’t take as the type to have an ego-trip . Look at you, you’ve been acting like Mr. Shy ever since I met you and even back in first year, but it’s really just an act, isn’t it?”

“What?” Harry was so taken aback by Louis’ reponse and also the fact that he apparently remembered him from their first year that he didn’t even know how to begin to answer. But it didn’t matter because Louis hadn’t quite finished.

“Oh please, don’t pretend, I’ve seen how you thrived under the attention all night and just now during your song. You almost stole Niall’s thunder on his birthday, that’s not cool, dude.”

Harry’s insides were turning cold, and just as Louis seemed to be about to add something else, he interrupted him and said:

“I… I don’t know why you’re saying all that. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. Maybe you’re drunk, but that sounds like jealousy to me.”

Louis laughed coldly. “Jealousy?”

“Yeah, jealousy! Look, _dude_ , it’s not my fault if you’re apparently incapable of making friends, but with this attitude it’s not surprising.”

Harry immediately felt horrified that he’d just said that. Louis slowly got up from the swing, stubbed out his cigarette, and started to walk away.

“Wait! Shit, Louis, I’m sorry! ” Harry called after him, and he truly hadn’t spoken that loudly in ages. “I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean it!”

But Louis didn’t turn back and quickly disappeared from view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this one was quite personal and I feel a bit self-conscious about sharing it, but that's what writing is about I guess. I'm ace-spec myself and constantly craving for representation, including in fanfiction, so I thought I would take matters into my own hands. On that note though, I recently read and loved [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331958/chapters/7285322) fic, which features ace characters, and I wanted to point out that it's probably influenced Say It Back in some ways, so thanks to the person who wrote it!
> 
> About that last scene, it truly was painful for me to write, and I'm sorry if it's upsetting. I guess it's kind of the emotional climax of this fic, but I swear things will start to get clearer and better next chapter.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much if you're still here, and virtual hugs to anyone who's been commenting or leaving kudos. You guys are my MVPs ;)
> 
> If you have anything to say or ask, you can do it below and I promise I'll try to answer. You're also welcome to come and say hi over [here](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> Until next time, treat people (especially yourself) with kindness <3 E.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn is the best. Louis opens up and things get better.
> 
> TW for mentions of death and grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Et voilà le chapter 4! Thank you if you're still here after last chapter's messy ending.  
> Hope you're doing well, wherever and whenever you are. Just a warning that this chapter is quite sad (I may or may not have cried writing it), so if you're feeling down, maybe wait a little until you read it.
> 
> (A quick sidenote: I suddenly realized that I'd mentioned "skating" in chapter 1, when I actually meant "skateboarding" smh. So I went back to fix it.)
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2uNRxIzdB05QC2A4S89sdy?si=cgmeo30DTJGc_y-HdJgdrg)'s the playlist for this chapter.

Louis’ entire body was shaking as he stumbled back into Niall and Lisa’s living room. Alex, who was standing next to the door, caught him by the arm, looked at him quizzically and asked:

”Louis, are you okay?”

”Yeah, yeah, just a little drunk, I think I’ll just go home.”

”Do you need me to come with you?”

”I’m fine, thanks. I think I just need some alone time right now. Would you tell Niall I said bye, and thank you for the invitation?”

At this point, he just couldn’t wait to get out of this party.

”Yeah, of course. Are you sure you’ll be okay, though?” Alex asked worriedly.

”I told you, I’m fine”, Louis answered perhaps too harshly as he brutally extracted his arm from Alex’s grip.

Alex looked at him with round eyes and Louis felt immediately guilty because Alex was literally the sweetest guy ever, but he just didn’t have it in him to apologize now. He’d already screwed things up with Harry, so he might as well go all the way and fuck up everything else as well.

The room was still full of people and he managed to escape unnoticed by anyone else. Outside, the night had gone cold and he cursed himself for not bringing a jacket. The alcohol was making him dizzy and he could hardly walk in a straight line. Niall’s house was in a suburban part of town, and he needed to take the bus back downtown to his place, but the mere idea of hopping on a vehicle was making him nauseous, so he decided to walk for the time being. He could always catch the bus or call a cab later.

As he was walking down the empty streets that were faintly illuminated by the yellow glow of streetlights, he kept playing the conversation—the fight—that he’d had with Harry in his head. He knew he’d gone too far, way too far, and yes, maybe the alcohol was to blame somehow. But the thing was, when Harry had “accused” him of staring at him all night, he’d completely panicked. Because it was true. He hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off him, and he knew he’d acted weirdly when he’d tried to interrupt his conversation with this random guy. Maybe it was time to face the truth: he really had a thing for Harry, and watching him interact with another guy had sparked some fucked-up feeling of jealousy in him. On top of that, seeing Harry be friendly with all these people and impress everyone with his voice and songwriting had made him somehow angry. Like, he was the only one—along with the other lab members, maybe—supposed to see this side of Harry, as if he belonged to him, and wow, that sounded awful even in his head. Was that what being into someone meant? Having this weird urge to protect them and claim them for yourself? He’d forgotten what it felt like, and he wasn’t sure he really could deal with that right now. Not to mention that he’d ruined things with Harry anyway, and he was actually pretty mad at the guy too.

Because yes, Louis had definitely crossed a line, but Harry had too. Louis really resented what Harry had said about his inability to make friends, and deep down he knew that it was probably because it had struck a chord. He felt so lonely all the time, but the thing was, the one person he would have wanted to talk to about his loneliness right now was gone, and was actually the very reason why he was so lonely in the first place. And he just couldn’t believe that sweet, quiet Harry had snapped like that, and he wasn’t in the right headspace to further analyse any of this now.

The sound of a car passing by snapped him out of his deep thinking, and he realized he’d already reached the outskirts of the city centre. He actually was a block away from the club he was usually going to, and for a minute he considered ending the night there. Maybe that’s what he needed right now. Maybe he needed the dark room, the deafening music, the random bodies pressed against his, the thrill of kissing a stranger and taking him home. Maybe he needed to do that to forget about Harry, even temporarily. He was at the corner of a block and was about to choose the direction of the club when his drunken state finally got the better of him and he only had time to turn towards the wall before he threw up. Well. No club tonight then.

***

The next day, he woke up to the sound of his alarm, and this was unusual for two reasons: 1. He always woke up before his alarm, and 2. It was Saturday, so why the hell had he set up an alarm in the first place? And then he remembered. A few weeks before, Harry had told him that Zayn was looking for volunteers to be extras in his short film, and Louis had agreed to do it because, even though the last time he’d done it had been in high school, he liked acting. There was also maybe the hidden motivation of getting to hang out more with Harry, that is until Harry had told him that he wouldn’t participate, but by then it was too late to turn back. So now here he was, at 7 am on a Saturday, hungover as fuck, not to mention still on a pretty intense guilt-trip. 

He finally got a hold of his phone to turn the alarm off, and saw that he had five unread texts from Harry and several missed calls from Alex. Oh no. He hadn’t checked his phone since he’d left the party. He considered ignoring his notifications for now, as he really needed to get ready if he wanted to make it to this shooting thing on time. But eventually, he couldn’t resist the temptation and opened his texts.

(12.36 am) I’m sorry if I upset you, I swear I didn’t mean what I said. Can we talk please?

(12.40 am) Where are you?? Please let me explain.

(12.52 am) Alex told me you left and you looked very upset. I’m so sorry… Can you at least text me when you make it home?

(1.22 am) Louis, did you make it home safe? Please answer me, I’m worried.

(1.36 am) Alex tried calling you several times and you’re not answering… Hopefully you’re asleep or your phone is dead or something. Please let one of us know as soon as you get this, so we don’t send for a search party tomorrow. And again, I’m really sorry.

And if that didn’t make him feel even more guilty… He sent a quick text to Alex to tell him he was okay and ask him to let Harry know. He just couldn’t bring himself to directly answer Harry’s texts right now. The anger that he’d felt against Harry the night before was definitely fading away, and he couldn’t believe Harry was apologizing so profusely, when Louis had clearly been the one to fuck it all up in the first place.

Eventually, he shook off his complicated feelings and managed to get himself out of bed. He took a few minutes to make tea and get ready. Zayn had told him to wear skater clothes, whatever that meant. He went for a combination of tight black jeans and an oversized T-shirt, and he spent longer time than usual on his hair. Maybe he was completely hungover and a really bad person, but at least he’d look good for this thing.

He was to meet Zayn and the rest of the team at the campus skatepark. Louis didn’t have a lot of details yet, but apparently Zayn’s film was a lesbian coming-of -age story between two skater girls, and that was quite possibly the coolest thing Louis had heard of in a while. The only thing was that he could not skateboard for the life of him, and he hoped it wouldn’t cause a problem.

He pocketed his phone and keys and took off. He was supposed to be there in 15 minutes, which was just enough time for him to make it if he walked briskly. As he was walking, he focused on his breathing and started counting his steps. Anything to prevent himself from thinking about last night.

When he made it to the skate park, which was in a part of the campus he’d never been to before, he saw that a group of ten people or so was already there, all surrounding Zayn, who seemed to be talking animatedly.

He quickly walked to them and said:

“Hi guys. Sorry I’m a little late. I’m Louis.”

Zayn turned towards him and looked at him with a blank expression, which Louis interpreted to be a pretty bad sign. He was 100% sure Harry had already told his best friend about last night, and Zayn must be hating him right now.

“Hey. No worries, glad you could make it. I was just saying, hopefully we can wrap this scene pretty quickly. Basically it’s the first meeting of Leah and Jo, and I’m hoping to make it a pretty atmospheric scene, if that makes sense? Lots of stolen glances between the two, skateboarding close to each other but never touching, that kind of thing. We have five extras, and I know some of you skateboard and some of you don’t. Those who do, just do your thing, I really want it to be as organic as possible. For the two of you who don’t”—he turned towards Louis and another girl—“maybe you can just sit on top of the track and pretend to be watching and talking.”

Wow. The guy was pretty professional and knew exactly what he wanted, and Louis couldn’t help but admire that. He followed his partner to the top of the track and they both sat down, smiling awkwardly at one another.

“So… What’s your name?” Louis asked.

And just like that, they started talking. The girl, whose name was Shay, was actually pretty cool. She was friends with Zayn and also a film major, and soon they were popping off about their favourite films and books. They quickly found out they were both gay and started sharing their favourite anecdotes of being queer at this university. They were so focused on their conversation that Louis hardly noticed when Zayn started shooting.

At some point though, Zayn shouted towards them:

“Hey, guys, can you pay a little more attention to the skaters please? Love that you’re talking but you also need to be watching them from time to time. I wouldn’t want the viewers to be distracted by your little love story over there.”

“I think your viewers would see that it’s pretty obvious we’re both gay, Zayn”, Shay shouted, and everyone burst out laughing.

For the first time since the night before, Louis started feeling a little better and thinking that maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to fix things somehow.

He and Shay spent the next hour or so alternating between chatting animatedly and observing the shooting. It was pretty impressive to watch Zayn with his camera, and how confident he was as he was directing the actors and choosing his frames.

When the shooting eventually wrapped up, Zayn clapped and said:

“Thank you guys, I think it’s a good one! For the extras, I’ll let send you the film as soon as it’s done so that you can watch it!”

Louis watched everybody go to Zayn and congratulate him before leaving, including Shay, who took his number and promised to invite him to her next party. Eventually, it was only Zayn and him left. Zayn was quietly packing up his things, not really acknowledging his presence while Louis was standing awkwardly next to him.

“Um, do you need any help?” Louis asked.

“I’m fine, thanks. I’m almost done anyway”, Zayn answered, still not looking at him.

“So, I take it Harry told you what happened last night?”

Zayn finally turned to look at him.

“Yeah, he called me like around 1. Seemed very upset.”

“Oh gosh, I know, I feel terrible”, Louis said while shaking his head.

Zayn frowned.

“What do you mean? He told me he’d said some fucked up things to you and felt super bad for hurting you.”

“Wait, what? No, I mean yeah, he did say some harsh things, but that’s only because I provoked him I guess.”

“He didn’t mention that… What did you tell him?”

And Louis had really dug his own grave there, but it was too late to turn back now.

“Well, keep in mind I was very drunk. But I may have accused him of, you know, pretending to be all shy and awkward and stuff.”

“Pretending? Why would he pretend to do that?” Zayn looked completely stunned.

“I don’t know, it’s just… He was so confident last night, you should have seen him, like, everyone was in awe of him.”

“That’s just the way Harry is though. Once he knows people and trusts them enough, he turns into the party’s sweetheart. I’ve seen it happened countless times.”

Louis shrugged. “I guess I didn’t realize that.”

“Okay… I don’t really get it, but whatever. And then what happened?”

“Then he told me I was just being jealous and it wasn’t his fault if _I_ couldn’t make friends, which, to be fair, he was right. But I guess it didn’t sit well with me last night so I just left.”

“Holy shit. And you haven’t talked to him since then?”

“No, I mean, I was too hammered to think clearly last night. And then I had to come here today and take some time to think about it.”

Zayn rolled his eyes.

“What’s there to think about, though? If you really think it’s all your fault, or if it’s a misunderstanding, you have to tell him, like right now, Louis. He told me he thinks he completely ruined your friendship, and I know him well enough to know he’s probably curled up in bed blaming himself right now.”

“Fuck. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll call him as soon as I get home.”

“Yeah, do that, please”, Zayn said as he patted him on the back.

“So, you’re not mad at me?”

Zayn sighed. “Look, it’s between you and Harry. I think you’re a decent enough guy, and also I don’t think I have all the information I need to understand what happened between you two. But I know it’s easily fixable, as long as you’re 100% honest with him about what was going on in your mind last night.”

And wow. The guy was really perceptive. There was definitely something—actually, several things—hiding in the back of Louis’ brain that had pushed him to act that way the night before. And maybe it was finally time to tell Harry about one of those.

After a few seconds of silence, Louis said: “Okay. Thanks. You’re pretty amazing, by the way, I get why Harry can’t stop talking about you.”

“It’s funny, _you’re_ the one he can’t stop talking about when he’s with me.”

Louis felt himself blush and Zayn smirked. Shit, he’d definitely picked up on something, and Louis was about to ask what was the deal with Harry regarding relationships, but eventually decided against it. Now was not the time, plus if he really wanted to know, he had to ask Harry directly.

They eventually went their own way after a slightly awkward hug, and Louis walked home, feeling a little lighter and optimistic about this day.

***

As soon as he got home, he typed a text for Harry, his fingers trembling with anxiety.

(12.36 pm) Hey. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. I was pretty hammered last night and I had to go to Zayn’s thing today. But if you still want to talk, I’m free now. I can meet you at your place, or you can come over, or we can meet somewhere else, whatever you prefer.

He put his phone down immediately after sending the message, and picked it up a few seconds later to check if Harry had read it, but he hadn’t. After a few minutes of intense screen-staring, he decided to take a shower to calm himself. Also, he really could use one.

About 15 minutes later, he was out the shower, feeling definitely cleaner but still on edge. He went straight to his phone and sighed with relief when he saw that Harry had answered.

(12.45 pm) Hey. Yes, let’s talk. I can come over to your place if that’s okay with you.

Louis replied, his fingers still a little wet from the shower:

(12.57 pm) Yes, of course. You can come by whenever, I’ll be here all day. Do you remember where I live?

(12.58 pm) Yeah. I can be there in like 30 minutes.

(12.58 pm) Perfect. Let me know when you’re at the door, I’ll come and get you.

He put his phone down and looked around him. Shit. His room was a proper mess. There were books scattered all over the floor in precarious piles, every millimeter of his desk was occupied by notebooks, his laptop, and several teacups, the only available seat was his desk chair and all the other ones were covered in clothes, and he hadn’t properly done the dishes in weeks. Maybe Harry wasn’t his mum, but Louis still didn’t want him to think he was a guy who couldn’t take care of himself and was going through some sort of breakdown. Which, to be fair, he was.

So, in the thirty minutes or so before Harry’s arrival, he tried to clean up as much as he could. The priority was for Harry to have somewhere to sit, so he gathered all his clothes and put them randomly in his closet. He didn’t have any space on his shelves left, so he just tried to rearrange the books in neat piles against the wall. He put his notebooks and papers back in his desk drawers, closed his laptop, and started doing the dishes haphazardly, before realizing with horror that he was still wearing a bathrobe and his hair was wet. So he ran to his closet and put on the first clothes he could find, then tried to arrange his hair the best he could but it still looked pretty bad. Oh well. It was going to be a difficult conversation anyway, so he might as well look pathetic from the get go. Just as he was finishing putting all his hair and skin products away in the bathroom —Harry did NOT need to see those—a text came in saying that Harry was at the door, so he took a last look at his room. It looked definitely better than a few minutes ago, but it still screamed “broke, sleep-deprived student”. Hopefully Harry’s room had the same vibes, but somehow Louis doubted it.

He grabbed his phone and keys, closed the door, went down the stairs and saw Harry waiting behind the glass door of the building, looking a little pale with his hands in his pockets, biting his lip. He watched him with a blank expression as Louis walked towards the door and opened it.

“Hey. Thanks for, um, coming all the way here.”

Harry nodded. “It’s fine. I needed a walk, I think.”

“Well, come in. I live on the first floor.”

They climbed the steps in silence, and Louis was hearing his heart beat in his ears very clearly. They reached the door of the apartment and neither of them was still saying anything as Louis struggled with his keys. He was so nervous that his hands were slightly shaking, and it took him a few seconds to finally be able to open his door.

When they finally entered, he cleared his throat and said:

“Well, here we are. Sorry it’s a mess.”

Harry shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I like all the books, and your big windows.”

Wow. This guy truly could not stop being nice, and Louis allowed himself to fond over this for a few seconds before shaking it off and saying:

“So, do you want anything to drink? Or to eat maybe? I don’t have a lot of food, but I could definitely make a cheese sandwich or something, or eggs even. Wait, do you eat dairy and stuff? ‘Cause I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of vegetables, but I do have some fruit salad left I think…”

Harry interrupted his rambling and said: “Um, thanks, but I’ve already eaten actually. Maybe just a cup of tea, or coffee, whatever you usually have?”

“Tea it is then”, Louis smiled. He gestured towards the chair by the table and said: “You can sit there, I’ll bring my desk chair over and the tea will be ready in a few minutes.”

He turned towards his kitchenette and put the kettle on, feeling Harry’s eyes on his back.

“Um, I’m afraid I only have Yorkshire tea, if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine, don’t worry”, Harry replied, and his voice sounded a little strained.

Louis turned back and leaned on the counter while they awkwardly waited in silence for the water to boil. Harry had his hands crossed on the table and was looking at them, and Louis was nervously tapping his fingers against the counter, staring absently at Harry’s hands too until he realized it was probably a little weird.

Finally, the water was hot enough, and Louis brought the two cups over to the table, before dragging his seat opposite Harry and sitting down, only to immediately get up again and mumble:

“Forgot the milk. Do you need sugar as well?”

“No, I’m fine with plain tea.”

“Okay.”

Louis quickly poured milk for himself, and finally sat down, for good this time. Harry was staring at his cup, and didn’t seem inclined to start, so Louis said hesitantly:

“So, about last night…”

Almost immediately, Harry cut him off and said:

“Look, Louis, I really want to apologize for what I said last night.”

Louis shook his head and said:

“No, you really don’t have…”

But Harry interrupted him again:

“No, let me finish, please. I really want to make this right. I saw how hurt you were when I said that thing about you not being able to make friends, and I’m really sorry about it. It was a pretty stupid and heartless thing for me to say, and you know what, it’s even worse that _I_ should be the one to say that of all people, considering how I literally had no friends for three years straight.”

“Wait, what do you mean? What about all those people you were talking to at the party?”

Harry shrugged.

“I hardly know them. I hung out with them a few times at the department’s parties, but we’re not close friends or anything. Really, believe me when I say that before I started working at the lab and bumped into Zayn the same day, I was like the loneliest guy on this campus. So, it was pretty fucked-up of me to shame _you_ for being lonely. Not that I’m saying that you are, ‘cause I have no idea. For all I know, you have plenty of friends.”

Louis scoffed and said:

“No, you’re right. You’re completely right, actually. And you were right too last night when you said I was acting out of jealousy. You’re saying you used to be the loneliest guy on campus, but believe me, it was probably nothing compared to me. It’s pretty pathetic, actually. Until I started working with you guys, the only people I was in contact with were my parents, my profs, the TAs, and the occasional random guy I had a one-night-stand with.”

He looked over at Harry, who was wearing a cautiously concerned expression but didn’t flinch when he mentioned his hookups, then continued: “Then I started working at the lab and, I don’t know, it’s such a breath of fresh air. You and Niall especially, I really appreciate you guys, and I guess last night when I was watching both of you being surrounded and somehow loved by all these random people, I kind of snapped. And I was seeing how easy it seemed for you to make friends, and be chatty, and delight everyone, and that reminded me of how difficult for me it is now, and how easy it used to be, and how unfair it is I can’t be like that anymore. So I said all these mean things to you because I panicked and I was scared you would call me out for being like, socially inept, but you did anyway, and really, I’m not mad at you, so don’t apologize please. You were right, and I deserved it.”

Harry was now frowning. He pondered for a few seconds then asked:

“Why are you saying you used to be like that, but you can’t anymore? Like, what changed?”

And there it was. The thing that Louis had refused to mention to anyone since he’d started at university, because it was too painful, and he hadn’t met anyone with whom he would have liked to share this story. That is, until now. Now, he really wanted to tell Harry, because he liked him and most importantly because he trusted him.

“Okay… I used to have a friend. A best friend. His name was Connor. He was kind of like… my Zayn, you know? We were neighbours, and as far as I remember we were always in each other’s life. Going to school together, hanging out all the time. He’s the first person I came out to. He’s the first person I shared a beer and a cigarette with. We used to go to these school parties and make fun of everyone else, and I think the other kids were kind of jealous of the connection we had. The teachers hated us because we were literally unable to shut up in class, always pulling pranks and telling jokes. I never got along well with my parents, and Connor was always here for me. In a sense, he was my family, you know? We were a team, really, and we were supposed to both come and study here. We had this plan: we would work all summer after graduation, and save enough money to rent a two bedroom apartment. That was the dream, but it didn’t happen.”

Louis paused here and looked over at Harry. He was on the verge of tears, and Harry was searching his face with concerned eyes. He whispered:

“So, what happened?”

Louis took a deep breath and focused on the wall behind Harry, before continuing with a shaky voice:

“The last day of high school, we went to this graduation party at someone’s house. We both got drunk, especially Connor. We were so happy, you know? We were finally going to get out of this shit town together, and live the real life. At some point of the party, we kind of lost sight of each other because it seemed that I finally had a chance to hook up with a guy I’d had a crush on for months. The only thing I remember is seeing Connor on the other side of the room, waving at me to look at my phone. He texted me that he was going home, and good luck with that guy, so I waved back at him and saw him leave the room. In other circumstances, I would have gone with him, or told him to wait to sober up a little. But I was so focused on that guy that I was like ‘Oh, it’s fine, he knows what he’s doing’.”

And he was full-on crying now. He realized that Harry was now holding his hands on the table, and lightly brushing his thumbs over their back. Louis took another deep breath, and started again:

“But it was not fine. He took his bike to go home, but I guess he was too drunk to ride safely, and a car hit him. He wasn’t wearing a helmet and… he didn’t make it. His parents tried to call me that night, but I was with that guy and ignored my phone. I only found out the next day, when I got home. And I blame myself so much. Maybe if I’d paid attention to him instead of this guy, Connor would still be here. In fact, I know he would.”

He took a break in his monologue and looked at Harry, who seemed on the verge of tears himself and was still holding his hands.

“I’m so sorry”, he said in a raspy voice. “I can’t imagine how it must feel like to lose someone like that. But I don’t think it’s your fault. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault. There’s so many factors that come into play, and you were just one of those. Like, the car driver, the helmet, the drinking, maybe the streetlights…”

“Yeah, I know all that. That’s what everybody tried to tell me. I know, objectively, there’s no way to know what difference I could have made. But I still can’t help feeling guilty all the time. Every fucking night, I can’t sleep thinking about it.”

Harry tightened his grip on Louis’ hands and said:

“Yeah, I think I get it. I’m so sorry, really. I would probably be the same if I lost Liam or Zayn like that. I don’t think I would ever recover.”

Louis sniffed and nodded.

“Well, it’s safe to say I haven’t. I spent that whole summer cooped up in my room, barely talking to anyone. Of course, I didn’t work, so in September I ended up here, in this tiny room. And I just didn’t have it in me to try to make friends with anybody. I didn’t even know how to do that. I thought I’d never have to worry about it, because I’d always have Connor, you know? So instead, I lost myself in books and in classes and in coursework, and the only time I felt merely okay was when I could talk about literature with profs and TAs, and I know all the other students hated me for that, you too, probably. But I just couldn’t help myself.”

“I didn’t hate you”, Harry countered. “It’s just… I guess it made me reconsider whether I really belonged in these classes, you know? You seemed so passionate about it, and I just wasn’t. So in the end I guess it motivated me to explore other options like songwriting, and I have to thank you for that.”

Louis gave a faint smile.

“You’re welcome, I guess. So anyway, I never really made friends here, at first because I just couldn’t deal with it, and then because it seemed too late. Until I met you, and Niall, and everyone else at the lab. And when I first saw you with Zayn, then yesterday with Niall, I think maybe it reminded me of me and Connor, and that’s one of the reasons I snapped at you. Because I missed him so much suddenly, and I was so angry, but not at you, at _myself_. So I’m really sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean any of it. I think I was just avoiding my own pain, you know. But I feel so bad about it now.”

Harry hastily replied:

“Hey, don’t, okay? I get it. You were drunk and upset, and we all say things we regret sometimes. I did too. So maybe we can forget about last night and start over?”

Louis timidly nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Thank you for trusting me and telling me all this. It must have been difficult, but I want you to know that I’m always here whenever you want to talk about it, okay? And by the way, anyone would be lucky to be your friend. God knows I feel lucky myself.”

Louis laughed weakly.

“Why, though? Zayn and Niall are so much better than me.”

“That’s not true. I like all of you guys equally. And you’re always so patient with me, like you’re always so focused when you listen to me, and you don’t even mind if I ramble, and you actually remember what I say. It’s a pretty rare quality, you know. Most people get impatient with me after a while.”

“Fuck those people”, Louis smiled, and Harry smiled too.

“Yeah, fuck those people.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much”, Louis whispered.

Harry patted his hands before finally withdrawing his, and Louis immediately wanted to reach out and touch them again, but he restrained himself from doing it. Instead, he asked:

“Hey, do you mind if I give you a hug?”

“No, not at all”, Harry said, who was slightly blushing.

They both got up and walked around the table in a slightly awkward way so that they were face to face, and Louis pulled Harry for a hug. Unlike the last time after Trivia Night, Harry didn’t flinch and hugged him back. He was slightly taller than Louis, so Louis had to lift his head a little to put it in the crook of Harry’s shoulder. Harry started stroking his back gently, and for the few seconds their hug lasted, Louis finally felt at peace.

When they let go, Louis felt like he'd been torn away from his bed, but he could sense that Harry was not very big on physical touch and he didn't want to overwhelm him. He ruffled his own hair nervously and said:

"Hey, do you have somewhere to be? I was thinking, maybe we could watch a film or something..."

And Harry beamed.

"Yeah, I'd love that!"

And they spent the rest of the afternoon watching random comedies on Netflix, and everytime he heard Harry's goofy laugh, Louis felt a little better. When Harry eventually left just as the sun was setting, Louis realized he hadn't felt that relieved in a very, very long time. Sure, there was still the matter of his ever-growing crush on Harry, but he didn't want to think about that right now. There'd be plenty of time to decide what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to anyone who's been commenting (Sarah, I'm looking at you) and leaving kudos. It truly keeps me going with this. If you have anything to say, you can do it below or come visit me on my [tumblr](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/) (I sometimes tease things over there :o)  
> I'd be very curious to know which character you vibe with the most so far. I think for me, Niall is the funniest to write, and Harry is the easiest because he's basically me, but I have a soft spot for Louis. Also, for my fellow Liam enthusiasts (myself included), I'm sorry he hasn't been that present in this fic so far. But I swear he'll be making an appearance soon enough.
> 
> Until next time, take good care of yourself. That's what Zayn would want for you. E.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes: Zayn still being the best, some fluffy-ish content, Liam making a quick comeback, skateboarding, some pretty serious conversations again, and a Halloween party.
> 
> TW for heavy drinking I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Hope you're doing well :) This chapter is quite longer than I expected, which also explains why it took me a while to post it. But hopefully it's worth the wait!
> 
> I want to say a *massive* thank you to [Sher](https://citronlouis.tumblr.com/) for helping me figure out some technical details for the skateboarding scene. She didn't even make fun of me for forgetting about basic physical properties, like the fact that the board has to be propelled in order to move lmao Thank you so much, Cherry, you're the best (also thank you for suggesting a costume idea for Zayn) <3
> 
> Anyway, [here's](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ni6En6gQcIBArCMDVQgp2?si=lzsGFPxzQCGa_jP_iyMbXQ) the playlist for this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Over the next few weeks, Harry and Louis became some sort of a team. They continued meeting in the lab every morning, Harry walking in to find Louis already there, happy to take off his headphones and jump into conversation. Now that he’d opened up about his past, it seemed that it had unlocked something in him, and he began sharing a lot more personal things with Harry. At first, Harry could see that it was painful for him to talk about Connor, but with time Louis started being able to say his name without flinching, smiling fondly instead. Apparently, he hadn’t really had the occasion or the strength to talk about his best friend to anyone since the accident, and Harry was happy to give him the space to do it. Louis also opened up about his relationship with his parents, which could be described as strained, at best. They had always criticized him for being too loud, too lively, and too flamboyant when he was younger, but ever since Connor’s death and Louis’ significant withdrawal within himself, they had been less than accepting of the whole situation, and Louis seemed seriously fed up with them. Harry, who’d always had a good relationship with his parents, didn’t really know what to say to him to comfort him, but it didn’t seem to matter. Finally getting things off his chest seemed to be enough to make Louis feel better, and he was always thanking Harry for being such a good and patient listener.

Harry also invited Louis to hang out with him and Zayn a couple of times. Harry had started skateboarding again, something that he’d stopped doing when Zayn had moved away. But Zayn had never given up on it, and with just a few hours of practice Harry felt like he’d never stopped either. One Saturday afternoon, he invited Louis to come to the skatepark with him and Zayn. At first, Louis was standing on the side and watching them, but after a while Zayn turned towards him and asked:

“Mate, wanna give it a try?”

Louis looked slightly terrified at the prospect.

“Um, I don’t know, maybe? My balance is not very strong though, so I’m sure I’ll be shitty.”

“Don’t worry, Harry can lend you a hand while I show you, right, Harry?”

Harry felt himself blush and glared at Zayn for a second, but his friend gave him an innocent look.

“Er, yeah, for sure.”

So he ended up lending his board to Louis, who stepped on it awkwardly, only to immediately lose his balance and almost fall to the ground.

“Right”, Zayn smirked. “We’re dealing with a true beginner here. Look, first of all you have to figure out which foot goes first on the board. You just tried with your right one, maybe try with the left?”

Louis complied, and this time he looked a little more comfortable stepping on the board and actually managed to stay on top of it. Harry was hovering next to him, ready to catch him if he stumbled, while Zayn started demonstrating the movements on his own board.

“So, to start with, turn your upper body to the left, push on the ground with your right foot like that, then put it back on the board, a little further back.” Zayn started moving, and continued talking, his head turned towards them. “Once both your feet are on the board, keep them parallel, bend your knees a little, and you just have to shift your body weight to turn one way or another.” 

Zayn stopped after demonstrating a right then a left turn, and walked back to them.

“Ready to try? Maybe for now just try having the appropriate position on the board, with your knees bent and everything.”

Louis nodded and followed the instructions slowly, and when he shifted his right foot further back, he instinctively put his hand on Harry’s shoulder to stabilize himself.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it! Now try propelling yourself with your right foot.”

“Right, um… I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of action yet”, Louis mumbled, who looked flushed, his hand still gripping Harry’s shoulder.

So Harry delicately picked up Louis’ hand and held it tight. Louis gave him a startled look and Harry smiled at him in a reassuring way.

“There, I’m holding you. You trust me, right?”

Louis bit his lip and nodded firmly.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Good.” Harry smiled and tried to keep his beaming to a reasonable level. He glanced at Zayn, who was observing them with a knowing look but wasn’t saying anything. “Now do what Zayn said and I’ll walk along with you, okay?”

Louis nodded again, tentatively pulled on the ground with his right foot before putting it back, and the board started moving slowly.

“Whoa, it’s working”, he cried out.

Zayn scoffed.

“Of course it’s working mate!”

They moved for a few meters, then came to a standstill and Louis straightened his knees. He got off the board and let go of Harry’s hand, and Harry couldn’t help but miss the feeling of Louis’ slightly cold palm in his.

“How did it feel?”, Harry asked. “Wanna try by yourself?”

“Okay, I guess? I’ll try again, but you stay close, right?”

“Yeah, of course”, Harry nodded gravely. Seeing Louis be vulnerable like that, after spending all this time thinking he was a self-confident, somewhat arrogant guy, still felt a little weird. But he was glad that Louis trusted him and Zayn enough to show this side of himself to them.

So Louis tried again without Harry’s help, and even though the board was moving very slowly and not quite in a straight way, it was still definitely moving.

When Louis stopped, Zayn exclaimed:

“That’s great, you did it! Congrats!”

Louis blushed.

“Stop indulging me, I know it’s like, ridiculous progress.”

But Zayn replied:

“Hey, baby steps, yeah?”

Louis shrugged.

“Wanna try some turns? Or is that enough emotion for today?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll stop there.” Louis checked his watch. “Oh shit, I actually have to go home anyway. I promised my parents I’d finally call them this afternoon, and they’re gonna hate me even more if I don’t. But thanks for the teaching and patience, guys.”

“Of course, no problem Lou”, Zayn smiled, and he pulled him for a quick hug.

Then Louis turned to Harry and said:

“See you at the lab on Monday? Unless you wanna come hang out and study at my place tomorrow? I was thinking of making pancakes and catching up on my readings all day.”

“Yeah, that would be nice actually!” Harry replied enthusiastically.

They hugged too, but it seemed different from Zayn and Louis’ hug. It was longer, definitely, and somehow more intense. As he watched Louis walk away, Harry wondered if he was imagining things. Yes, Louis and him were close now, but was there maybe something more to it? He was startled by Zayn clearing his throat.

“So, are we gonna talk about it?”

Harry frowned.

“About what?”

“You know… How you two are acting like two lovebirds courting each other?”

Harry blushed and shook his head.

“No, that’s not what’s happening, we’re just friends. I mean, I think. Like, there’s no way Louis likes me like that. Right?”

“Excuse me, what? Have you seen the guy? He’s completely gone for you, dude. Like, ‘Oh, Harry, please stay close to me, please hold my hand, please come hang out with me tomorrow’”, Zayn imitated him with a high-pitched voice that sounded eerily similar to Louis’.

Harry couldn’t help but laugh and replied:

“I don’t know though… We just got pretty close lately, I guess. A few weeks ago he opened up about some personal stuff for the first time, and I think he hadn’t done that with anyone for a while.”

“Just further proves my point”, Zayn declared. “It shows he trusts you and cares about you enough to be, like, vulnerable with you.”

“Maybe, yeah”, Harry replied pensively. “Anyway, even if that was the case, I don’t really know how I feel, or if that’s what I want, you know? I mean, I really like him, we obviously get along, and maybe there’s some kind of… connection there. But the idea of dating him kinda terrifies me. Not to mention that he doesn’t know I’m ace yet, what if it’s a major problem for him? And look at me, now I’m completely getting ahead of myself when I don’t even know for sure that he likes me.”

“Whoa, you sure have given it a lot of thought already, in any case”, Zayn said.

“I guess I have”, Harry blushed. “I didn’t realize it.”

“Look, about whether or not he likes you, I assure you there’s like a 99% chance that he does. 99.99% even. I’m sure it’s only a question of time until he mentions it.”

And Harry started to slightly panic at the prospect of this kind of situation happening to him. He remembered one time in high school when a girl from his class had asked him if he wanted to go out with her, and he hadn’t handled that well at all. So he replied:

“Oh no, do you think he would mention it? Like, soon? I wouldn’t know what to say… Should I say it back? Like, I don’t want to reject him ‘cause I definitely like him, I think, but I’m also not sure we could date normally, you know?”

Zayn shrugged. “What does ‘normally’ mean anyway? Every relationship is different and entails different things. Maybe you should, like, think about what _you_ would like out of one, if anything. What would make you comfortable and happy. And maybe that would be not having a relationship at all, and that’s okay. But this way, if—when—Louis talks to you, you’ll already have an answer ready, and hopefully he’ll understand. I’m sure he will, he seems to be a smart guy.”

Harry thought for a minute.

“Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I guess I never thought about it this way, somehow. Like I’m always wondering, how do you distinguish platonic from romantic feelings when the whole sexual thing is out of the picture, you know? But I guess, if I had to compare, say, you and Louis, it does feel like there’s a difference between you two. Like, I guess I do want to spend more time with him than with you.” And that sounded kind of rude, so he quickly looked at Zayn to see if he was offended, but he was just smiling, unbothered.

“What else?” Zayn prompted.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind, like, holding his hand. It was kind of nice when we did earlier. And I like hugging him. A lot. Which is weird because I’m not usually a hugger, you know?”

Zayn smiled. “Yeah, I know. I must have hugged you, like, 4 times top in my life. Louis’ a lucky guy.” He paused for a second, then asked: “Um, and what about kissing him?”

Harry had to actually force himself to think about it. He just didn’t go around thinking about kissing people, and envisioning the situation felt kind of weird. Yeah, Louis’ lips seemed kissable, but would he actually go through with it, given the opportunity?

“I don’t know”, he replied slowly. “I guess I don’t have the urge to do it or anything. Not like the hugs, for example. But maybe in the situation I would?”

“Yeah”, Zayn nodded. “And even if you don’t, it’s okay, you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. As long as I’m open with him about it. In a hypothetical situation where I would need to be, of course.”

“Of course”, Zayn smirked. “It’s all hypothetical.”

“Anyway, thanks for your help. I do feel like I can see things a little more clearly”, Harry said as he put his board back to the ground and got ready to move. “Should we get back to it now?”

Zayn approved. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

***

After boarding for another hour or so, they decided to head to Harry’s place. He was living the closest to the skatepark, and he wanted to show Zayn his new song, while Zayn also wanted to share the first cut of his short film with him. When they got to his tiny room, Harry said:

“Gosh, I stink. I think I’m gonna change. Do you want another t-shirt as well?”

“Oh, that would be great actually, thanks!”

“Here you go”, Harry said as he handed one of his clean shirts to Zayn. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom quickly, but make yourself at home.”

A few minutes later, as he was freshening up in the bathroom, he heard Zayn call him from the other side of the door.

“Um, mate, someone is trying to call you.”

“Oh. Who is it?”

“Hold on… It’s Liam, apparently.”

“Oh, would you mind picking up? Tell him I’ll just be a few minutes.”

There was a short pause. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course. He’ll be happy to talk to you.”

Harry eventually heard Zayn pick up his phone and say:

“Um, hi, it’s Zayn. Harry can’t speak right now but he’ll be there soon…. I’m good yeah, how are you?”

Then his friend’s voice got muffled as he seemed to walk away from the bathroom. Harry smiled and decided to take a shower. He had a feeling those two could use the time to catch up.

When he got out of the bathroom about 15 minutes later, he found Zayn sitting on his bed, still on the phone with Liam, apparently reminiscing about old times.

“I know, I still can’t believe that happened”, he cackled. Then he looked up, saw Harry and said: “Oh, your brother is finally out of the shower. I’ll hand over the phone to him now. But it was nice to talk to you, Liam.” He smiled as he listened to Liam’s answer, then gave his phone back to Harry.

“Hey, what’s up?” Harry asked.

“Oh, I was just calling to check when you’re planning on coming home exactly, so we can coordinate”, Liam answered.

“Well, I just have one week of classes before reading break. So I’m taking the train home next Saturday, and I’ll come back here the Saturday after that.”

“Cool, that’s what I thought. I took that week off work as well. If you want I can pick you up at the station on Saturday, and save dad the drive? Just let me know what time you arrive exactly.”

“Yeah, that would be perfect”, Harry replied.

“Okay, I’ll leave you guys to it, we can talk more later. Tell Zayn it was nice to catch up a little.”

“Will do”, Harry smiled, and he hung up.

He turned towards Zayn, who was still sitting on his bed and looking at him with a slightly annoyed expression.

“So?”, Harry smirked.

“I hate you”, Zayn said. “I can’t believe you took a fucking shower and left me to it for like 15 minutes.”

Unbothered, Harry replied:

“But…?”

Zayn sighed.

“But it was nice. He’s even funnier than I remember.”

“ _Funnier_? That’s surprising you would say that.”

“What do you mean? He’s hilarious.”

“Yeah, I know. But he’s only like that with a few people. Otherwise I know he comes across as super serious to the rest of them. So it’s interesting… But now that you mention it, he did always act like a class clown around you.”

Zayn blushed and asked: “So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying there’s like a 99% chance that he had a thing for you then. 99.99% even, if you know what I mean. And with any luck, it’s still gonna be the case.”

Zayn looked uncharacteristically flushed and muttered:

“Promise you won’t say anything to him when you see him next week. Like, don’t ask him or anything.”

“I won’t, I swear! I’ll just watch for clues, maybe mention you to see how he reacts, and report my findings back to you. Deal?”

Zayn looked relieved.

“Deal.”

”Anyway, what are _you_ doing for reading break?” Harry asked.

“Well, I’m supposed to go to my parents’. But I don’t know, I’m kind of dreading it. We’ve hardly talked ever since I came back here in September. Plus, you know, I’m still not out to them, and it’s beginning to kill me. Honestly I just want to tell them now, but I know there’s a strong risk they’ll, like, disown me forever if I do. But I just can’t stand to hide that part of myself anymore, you know?”

“Yeah”, Harry sighed. “I’m sorry that you have to choose between, like, being yourself, or having a relationship with them. I really wish they would accept you…” He paused for a second. “I know Louis has problems with his parents too, and I never really know what to tell you guys to make you feel better. But I want you to know that, even though it’s not quite the same, I can always be your family anytime, okay?”

“I know”, Zayn smiled softly. “Thanks mate. Right back at you.”

***

The next day, Harry went to Louis’ place as promised. When Louis opened the building door to him, Harry was surprised to see he was wearing glasses.

“Hey! Never saw you with glasses before, it suits you.”

Louis blushed slightly and ruffled his hair, something that he seemed to be doing whenever he was nervous. Unless Harry was taking his dreams for reality.

“Oh, thanks… Yeah, I only wear them when I get a headache from reading too much.”

“It’s one of those days, huh?” said Harry as they were reaching Louis’ flat.

“Yeah, mate, I didn’t realize how behind I was on some assignments. But at least I can catch up when I get home for reading break and my parents ignore me for a full week.”

“Do you really think it’s gonna be that bad?” Harry asked, was starting to put his textbooks and notebooks on the kitchen table.

“Probably”, Louis shrugged as he was putting the kettle on. “Either they ignore me or they make constant passive aggressive comments to me. So I’ll just stay in my room the whole time, I guess.”

“And you really have to go home?”

“Yeah… If I don’t, it’s just gonna make the situation ten times worse than it already is. At least, as long as I call them and visit them regularly, they can’t accuse me of being absent. Which is a win already.” He paused for a few seconds then said: “Anyway, enough of this. Tea?”

“Sure, thanks!” Even though he felt that Louis still had stuff on his chest, he chose not to push it this time, as the boy clearly wanted to drop the subject for now.

After the tea was made, they both settled at the table and started studying in comfortable silence. Harry was having a little trouble focusing, as he couldn’t stop glancing at Louis, who was focusing on his books, absently chewing at the end of his pencil. Without looking up, Louis suddenly asked:

“What’s up, mate? You seem distracted. Want to tell me something?”

“Er, no, sorry”, Harry stammered. “Was just wondering how you could focus like that. I’m literally unable to read more than a few sentences at a time.”

“I don’t know”, Louis pondered. “It’s a matter of practice, I guess. Reading is pretty much all I’ve done for years, so I don’t really think about it as a chore.”

Just as he was finishing his sentence, his phone started ringing. Louis looked at it and frowned.

“Unknown caller. Weird. I think I should get it, sorry.”

He got up and went to the other side of the room, not that it was making much of a difference considering how small it was. Harry watched him as he picked up and said hesitantly:

“Hello? Louis Tomlinson here.” After a few seconds, his face illuminated and he continued: “Shay, hi! It’s good to hear you! Sorry, I forgot to save your number to my phone. What’s up? … A Halloween party? … Er, yeah, why not!... Cool… Yeah, I’ll let you know for sure… Okay, bye!”

He hung up and walked back to the table.

“So, it was Shay. I don’t know if you know her? She’s in the same program as Zayn and I met her when we were shooting his short film. Anyway, she just invited me to her Halloween party on Friday, and she says I can bring as many people as I want. Should we go? I mean… Maybe you have other plans, I don’t know.”

Harry smiled.

“No, I don’t. And yeah, that would be fun. I’m pretty sure Zayn will be there too. And maybe we can ask the other lab members if they want to come as well?”

“Yeah, for sure!” Louis replied enthusiastically. “I should warn you though, she said everyone’s expected to dress up.”

“Oh”, Harry winced. “I’m not really one for costumes.”

“Yeah, me neither… It always makes me feel self-conscious, and also all my costume ideas are inevitably shit…”

“Same here.”

“Maybe we should try to, like, come up with matching costumes?”, Louis suggested hesitantly. “I mean, only if you feel like it… Nevermind, it’s probably stupid…”

“Are you kidding? That would be amazing”, Harry beamed. “We could, like, dress up as an iconic literary duo!”

“Holy shit, yeah”, Louis said. His face had instantly lit up when he’d heard Harry’s answer. He teared off a blank page from his notebook and declared: “Let’s make a list.”

Harry watched him, a strange feeling at the pit of his stomach. He had rarely seen Louis be so unapologetically enthusiastic before. The corners of his eyes were all crinkled from smiling, and he looked like he was radiating energy. Harry’s stupor was interrupted by Louis asking:

“So, any idea?”

“Um, let’s see… Sherlock Holmes and Watson?”

“Not bad”, Louis replied, jotting down Harry’s answer. “Not really scary though, but maybe it doesn’t matter?”

“No, you’re right… I would have said Jekyll and Hyde but I don’t know if they have enough defining characteristics, you know?”

“Yeah”, Louis nodded. They stayed silent for a few seconds, both racking their brain to find something. “I mean, there’s always Frankenstein and the creature… But we would need a mask or some pretty sophisticated makeup.”

“I like the idea”, Harry approved. “And you know, I’m sure Zayn or Shay know someone in the film department who could help us do it.”

“Mmh, that’s true”, Louis nodded. “So it’s a deal then?”

“I guess”, Harry smiled. “Who’s who though?”

“You know, I can totally see you as a mad scientist, with your crazy curls and your weird voice and all.”

“What?” Harry scoffed. “My voice is _not_ weird, thank you very much.”

“Whatever you say, Curly.”

Harry felt himself blush. Louis had only called him like that once, after Trivia Night, but he had been drunk then. Maybe Zayn was right. Maybe they truly were getting somewhere. And maybe, just maybe, he was kind of into it.

“So, you’d be the creature, then? Sorry, but I feel like you’re like, too sweet for it.”

“Ha, a sweet creature”, Louis cackled.

“I… don’t get it?”

“It’s a line from Othello, mate. What are you even doing in English?”

“Believe me, I ask myself everyday”, Harry sighed.

“Well I, for one, am happy you chose this path. We wouldn’t have met each other otherwise”, Louis said jokingly, but they both knew he actually meant it, and Harry’s heart melted a little.

They spent the rest of the afternoon planning their costumes and texting the other lab members, completely forgetting about their original plans to study.

***

Friday arrived more quickly than they’d expected. All the lab members had agreed to go to Shay’s party, but they had all decided to keep their costume a secret until the party started.

A few hours before the party, Louis and Harry met at Louis’ place with one of Shay’s friends who was a theater major and knew how to do professional stage makeups. While she was working on applying lots of different products to Louis’ face, Harry went to the bathroom to perfect his mad scientist look. He was wearing a white lab coat that he had strived to stain with different liquids, including coffee and tomato juice. He took a look at himself in the mirror and found that his hair didn’t look quite disheveled enough, so he tried to ruffle it as much as he could and make his curls as big as possible. As he was finishing, he heard Louis’ voice call him:

“Harry, mate, come here! We’re done!”

Harry walked back into Louis’ room and as he was taking in the boy’s face, he couldn’t help but shiver. The makeup was very realistic and made him quite unsettled.

“So, what do you think?”

“It’s… Wow. I think it’s even better than I expected.”

“I know, right? Thank you so much, Cara, you’re the best!” Louis beamed, and his big smile made his face even scarier somehow.

“Of course, my pleasure”, Cara replied. “Doing monsters is my favourite thing. And I think with your costume, it really works.”

“Yeah”, Louis nodded. He was wearing what could pretty much be described as rags, and the whole thing was rather terrifying indeed.

“So, what about you, Harry?” Louis asked as he was taking in Harry’s appearance.

“Well, I tried my best to make myself look as crazy as possible, but I don’t know if it’s working.”

“Um, I think you could actually use some makeup too”, Cara chimed in. “Like, some very pale foundation and maybe some black eyeliner under your eyes to make them pop off. Unfortunately, I have to go get ready myself, but how about I leave you some products and you can give them back to me at the party?”

And Harry enthusiastically agreed. Once Cara left, though, he suddenly realized that he’d never put makeup on in his life.

“So… Do you know how I’m supposed to do that?” he asked Louis.

“Not really… But why don’t you let me try? I just watched Cara do it, so hopefully I can kinda imitate it?”

“Yeah, alright.”

Harry sat down, and Louis got close to him and started gently applying foundation all over his face. They stayed silent for a few minutes. Harry was focusing on Louis’ made up face, trying not to think about how close they currently were. At some point, Louis lightly touched Harry’s chin to lift it up a little, and Harry shivered as Louis whispered:

“There.” Then, after a pause: “Okay, let’s do the eyes now. Let me know if I’m hurting you or anything.”

“It’s fine”, Harry said quietly as Louis was delicately tracing black lines under his eyes.

When he was done, they locked eyes for a few seconds and Harry felt his heart race, but eventually Louis cleared his throat and said:

“Yeah, you definitely look more intense like that. You should go have a look in the bathroom.”

“Um yeah, sure”, Harry replied, and he awkwardly got up and walked to the bathroom mirror.

As he was staring at himself, Louis came up next to him and asked:

“So, did I do a good job?”

“Yeah”, Harry replied slowly. “Yeah, I really like it, actually.”

They watched one another’s reflection and Louis said:

“Look at us. We both look proper scary now.”

Harry nodded.

“Yeah. I think we’re ready to go now.”

***

The party turned out to be quite hectic. Shay was sharing a pretty big house on the outskirts of town with countless roommates, who had all invited at least ten people each, so it seemed that every room was filled up to the ceiling with guests. Harry and Louis wandered from room to room until they finally encountered Niall and Lisa in the basement, dressed up as SpongeBob and Patrick.

“Guys! You look amazing!” Niall cried as soon as he saw them. “Very scary, both of you.”

“Thanks”, Louis smirked. “Can't really say the same for you two, but I feel like these characters suit you perfectly.”

“I know, right?” Lisa laughed.

“Hey, we were about to play beer pong with this lot”, Niall said, gesturing towards a group of people that included Anna and Alex, who were wearing matching Buffy and Spike outfits. “Wanna join?”

“Yeah! Haven’t played for a while”, Louis replied enthusiastically.

“Still not drinking, so I think I’ll pass and try to find Zayn”, Harry said. “But I’ll see you guys later. Lisa, are you staying?”

“Yeah, I’ll just watch them and be the referee”, Lisa said.

Harry exchanged a parting smile with Louis and walked back upstairs, trying to catch sight of Zayn. He eventually found him in the kitchen, talking to a girl wearing a beautiful Victorian dress. Zayn himself was wearing some kind of grey fedora, a tweed jacket, a tie, and had an unlit cigarette between his lips. As he turned and saw Harry, he exclaimed:

“Hey, look who’s here! Dr. Frankenstein, right?”

“Yep. And you? What the fuck is this costume?”

Zayn sighed.

“No one has recognized it so far… It’s [Michel](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/post/618958990626488320/classicfilmsource-%C3%A1-bout-de-souffle), from Breathless.”

“Right… I’ll google that later.”

Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, here’s Shay. I don’t think you guys have met before, right?”

“No, but Louis told me about you. Thanks for the invitation! I’m Harry.”

They shook hands and Shay smiled.

“The infamous Harry. Zayn can’t stop talking about you these days.”

“Shut up”, Zayn said jokingly. “I’m just glad he’s back in my life.”

“The feeling’s mutual, mate”, Harry smiled.

The two of them spent almost an hour chatting in the kitchen, people joining and leaving their conversation at regular intervals.

Every time, newcomers would ask who Zayn was dressed up as, and he was growing impatient.

“I can’t believe no one is getting the reference. The majority of us are supposed to be film majors, for god’s sake.”

“Where did you get the idea anyway?”

Zayn blushed slightly. “Um… It was actually Liam who suggested it to me.”

“Liam? As in, my brother Liam?”

“Yeah… We’ve been talking on Instagram.”

“Wait, Liam has an Instagram?”

“Yeah, he posts his art there. He’s quite popular too. We discussed it on the phone and he gave me his username.”

“When you say ‘popular’, what do you mean exactly?”

“I don’t know, several thousand followers I guess”, Zayn shrugged.

“What?!” Harry shook his head in disbelief.

“Shit, I really thought you knew about it…”

Harry was too stunned to answer, and Zayn’s phone started to ring anyway. He frowned while he was looking at the screen.

“It’s my mom. I think I should get it, sorry” he said, and he walked away.

Harry was left alone in the kitchen, but not for long, as Lisa suddenly stormed into the room, looking worried.

“Oh, thank god I found you. Louis’s not doing well. He’s in the bathroom downstairs, asking for you.”

Harry felt his heart race.

“What’s going on?” he asked as they walked down the stairs.

“Drank too much, I guess. But he seems kind of distressed.”

They made it to the bathroom door and Harry softly knocked on it.

“Hey, Lou, it’s me. Can I come in?”

He heard a faint “yeah” and pushed the door open.

Louis was sitting on the floor, his back against the bathtub, and definitely wasn't looking good. His makeup was all smudged, and strands of hair were sticking to his sweaty forehead.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked as he sat next to him.

“I just threw up”, Louis mumbled.

“How did you manage to get that drunk so fast? I was only gone for like an hour…”

“Um, we played beer pong with vodka. And I kept losing.”

“Was this Niall’s idea? I’m gonna kill him.”

“I don’t know, I can’t remember”, Louis said in a slurred voice.

“Alright, let’s get you home. Do you think you can walk?”

“Yeah, but… What about you? We just got here.”

“It’s fine, I don’t care”, Harry replied, he was grabbing Louis’ elbow and helping him to get up. “I could use the sleep anyway, I have to catch an early train tomorrow.”

“Right. Reading break… Can’t believe we won’t see each other for a week, I’ll miss you sooooo much.”

“Me too, Lou”, Harry sighed. “But now we have to get you home, okay? Why don’t you wait for me outside and I’ll warn Zayn or Shay that we’re leaving?”

“Okay.”

Five minutes later, they were walking quietly and slowly down the street. Thankfully, Shay’s house was not too far from the city center and it would only take them around fifteen minutes to get to Louis’ place. Harry was still holding on to Louis’ arm, as the boy couldn’t keep his balance. Eventually, Harry broke the silence and said:

“Is there any reason why you drank that much tonight?”

Louis didn’t immediately answer and Harry wondered if he had even heard the question. But he suddenly replied:

“Connor and I always used to get wasted at Halloween. It was always, like, our night. We’d have so much fun. I guess I miss him a little more than usual tonight.”

Harry tightened his grip on Louis’ arm and said:

“I’m sorry… Are you feeling a little better now?”

“Not really. Just fucking tired, I guess.”

They finally reached Louis’ building and Harry said:

“I’ll come upstairs with you and help you get into bed, okay?”

Louis giggled but didn’t answer, and Harry felt himself blush. They reached Louis’ door and Harry unlocked it for him, then led the boy straight to his bed.

“Would probably be better for your pillow and your skin if you removed your makeup now”, Harry mumbled. “Stay here.”

He quickly went to the bathroom and came back with several cotton pads. He sat next to Louis on his bed and started gently wiping the makeup off his face.

Louis’ slightly glassy eyes were locked to Harry’s face, and he suddenly asked:

“Why are you always so nice to me?”

“What do you mean? Because you’re my friend and I care about you and I don’t like to see you upset.”

Louis nodded.

“I care about you too. So much. Actually, I think I like you. More than a friend, I mean.” Harry froze and looked up, and they stared at each other for a few seconds. Harry could hear his heart beat in his ears. Even though he was kind of expecting it to happen, he still felt taken aback and he didn’t know what to answer.

“Aren’t you going to say anything back?” Louis asked.

“I’m sorry”, Harry replied rushingly. “I just don’t think we should be having this conversation right now.”

“Why not?” And Louis seemed slightly upset.

“Because you’re still quite drunk and I’d rather talk about it with you when you’re sober. For all I know, you might not remember any of this tomorrow morning.” He resumed taking the makeup off Louis’ face, but Louis gently grabbed his wrist and said:

“I never have blackouts, I swear. Please, let’s talk about it now.”

“I can’t. I'm not rejecting you, I swear, but there’s some stuff that I need to tell you, and you really need to be sober to hear it. Trust me, okay?”

“But we won’t be seeing each other for a full week…”

Harry sighed.

“Okay, tell you what. If tomorrow you remember this conversation, give me a call and we can talk about it then, okay?”

Louis frowned, but eventually gave up and said:

“Okay. I will. I definitely will.”

“Good. Now get into bed. I’ll bring you a glass of water and some painkillers for tomorrow.”

When he came back from the bathroom, Louis was lying down under his blankets, and his eyes were closed.

“Are you asleep?” Harry asked quietly, but there was no reply.

So he put everything on Louis’ bedside table, then leaned down, gently pushed Louis’ hair off his forehead, and pressed a quick kiss to his temple.

“See you soon, Lou”, he whispered, then he quietly walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to anyone who's been supporting me and/or this fic so far. You guys are the best!  
> If you feel like it, you're always welcome to leave a comment and I'll try my best to answer in a timely fashion.
> 
> The next chapter is supposed to be the last one but I might end up splitting it in two if it's too long. I'm also considering writing a bonus epilogue, but we'll see how I feel after the final chapter, and if it warrants it.
> 
> Anyway, just a heads-up that it's probably gonna take me a little longer to upload, so in the meantime you're welcome to come visit me on [tumblr](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/tagged/say-it-back) and see what I'm up to.
> 
> Until then, take care! xx E.


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end (beware of POV switches)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Hope you're doing well, and happy Pride!!
> 
> I'm so happy to share this final chapter. I honestly can't believe I saw this through, and there's a few people I'd like to thank before we start.  
> First off, I have to thank Seed (rosesau on tumblr). I really admire her writing, and basically this whole fic started when I sent her an ask about what her writing process was. She went out of her way to share super useful tips and resources with me, and it really gave me a push to start writing Say It Back. I think it's safe to say I woudn't have written it if it wasn't for her, so I'm immensely grateful. Then, I really want to thank Sarah, who was the first to comment on this, and who turned out to be an actual angel. I'm so grateful this fic brought us together, it's so lush ;) I also have to thank all of my other tumblr friends, aka Becca, Colleen, Fer, Malak, Sana and Sher, who all supported me in many ways as I was writing this, and constantly brighten my days. I love each and everyone of you <3  
> I think I originally dedicated this fic to my lab friends, but I think I have to extend it to all of the irl and online friendships I've made in the past couple of years. I learned so much and really grew as a person thanks to every one of them, and I'm so grateful to everyone I met. It's also funny because I literally knew nobody in this fandom when I started writing this, and over the course of a few weeks I met so many amazing people who made me feel welcome and supported, and I love how that reflects the themes of the fic itself. More than anything, I really wanted it to be about the power of friendship and finding your people, and now I'm getting emotional so I'll stop there.  
> Again, thank you to everyone, including all the anonymous readers, you guys are legends!
> 
> A final note before we start. I was writing and am now sharing this chapter as all the events and protests surrounding George Floyd's death and systemic racism in North America and the world at large are currently unfolding. If you guys haven't already, please take some time to go to the following [link](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/) and find ways you can help. Black lives matter, always and everywhere.
> 
> [Here's](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6gSPhFHQRP0erSQ7K13GIj?si=hZBq_ALQRu-CSM59GJ3YEA) the playlist for this chapter. Now let's get to it.

As Harry was walking home, his phone started to ring. It was Zayn.

“Hey, mate, what’s up? Sorry I left the party without saying goodbye, but I couldn’t find you.”

“Oh, it’s fine”, Zayn replied, who seemed to be talking faster than usual. “I was on the phone with my parents and… Um, we kinda got into a fight.”

“What happened? Wanna talk about it?”

“Well, you know, I was supposed to go back home tomorrow, and basically they started hinting at how inconvenient it would be for them to have me there next week, ‘cause apparently it’s gonna interfere with their plans or whatever. Like, can you believe it? We’ve hardly talked for months, they’ve never shown any interest in what I’m studying, and now this… So I just kind of snapped and told them I wouldn’t come after all. They didn’t even try to convince me, just merely said ‘Oh, guess we’ll see you in December then’.” Zayn stopped talking, apparently out of breath.

“I’m so sorry… Do you need me to come over or something?”

“No, don’t worry, it’s late. I know you’re leaving early tomorrow. I shouldn’t even have called you, I was just upset and wanted to let you know I’m staying here this week after all.”

Harry thought for a few seconds, then said:

“Actually, you know what? Why don’t you come home with me? We could visit all our old hangouts, it would be fun, right?”

“I mean, yeah… But I wouldn’t want to impose…”

“Not at all, I’m sure my dad would be happy to see you after all this time. Not to mention, Liam will be there.”

“Liam, huh?” Zayn said with renewed interest.

“Yep. Workaholic, newly artsy, desperately single Liam.”

“That’s… tempting.”

“I know it is”, Harry smirked. “So, what do you say?”

“Are you sure your dad will be okay with it?”

“Yes, 100%.”

“Then I’m in, I guess.”

“Yes!” Harry exclaimed a little more loudly than intended, and a few passers-by turned to look at him. “I’ll text you the details of the train, and we can meet at the station tomorrow morning?”

“Perfect. Thanks, Hazza. Oh, by the way, why did you leave the party so early?”

“Oh, um… Stuff happened with Louis. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow”, Harry said just as he was reaching his building.

“Can’t wait. See you then. I love you.”

Harry felt a pang in his heart at the words. Neither he nor Zayn had been big on expressing their feelings when they were younger, but he was glad they’d reached this point now.

“I love you too, Z.”

***

When he woke up the next day, the first thing Harry did was check his phone to see if Louis had tried to contact him. Deep down, he knew it was unrealistic for him to expect Louis to call him this morning, considering how hungover he must be and the fact that he must have been getting ready to go home too, but Harry still felt disappointed when he saw he had no new notifications. But there was no time to dwell on that, as he still needed to pack his bag for the week, so he quickly hopped into the shower and forced himself to think about something else.

About an hour later, he was arriving at the train station. He spotted Zayn waiting for him at the entrance, and he pulled him for a quick hug, which seemed to take his friend aback.

“Er, what was that for?”

“I don’t know, I thought you might need it?”

“Thanks, H. I think I did need one”, Zayn smiled softly.

They walked into the station and checked which platform they needed to go to. Harry couldn’t help but look around and try to see if Louis was there. He knew he was taking the train home this morning too, but apparently half of the campus was doing the same and it was nearly impossible to spot anyone in the crowd. Their train was leaving in a few minutes anyway, so they didn’t have time to linger and they quickly got onto it, luckily finding seats next to one another.

Harry’s dad was still living in the small village on the South Coast of England where Harry, Liam and Zayn had grown up. It was just a couple of hours away from the university, and they settled comfortably for the trip. Harry checked his phone—still nothing—and put it face down on the table in front of him. Meanwhile, Zayn asked:

“So, what happened with Louis last night?”

Harry proceeded to tell him of the events, and when he reached the part where Louis had “confessed” to him, Zayn let out a triumphant: “Told you so!”, before seeing that Harry was not that enthusiastic. So Harry explained the “deal” he’d made with Louis, and how Louis hadn’t called him yet.

“Don’t worry”, Zayn said. “As you said, I’m sure he’s just been too busy to do it so far. He’s probably just waiting to be in the right mindset or whatever.”

“I know, you’re probably right”, Harry sighed. “But I can’t help but think that maybe he did have a blackout this time. Or that he remembers what he said but didn’t really mean it and regrets it, you know? What should I do if he never calls me? Should I just pretend it never happened?”

Zayn patted his forearm.

“Look, I know it’s difficult, but you should try not to think about it too much. If he calls, then it’s great! If he doesn’t, it shouldn’t ruin your vacation. You’ll have all the time in the world to deal with it when you get back, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll try. Plus, there’s other things I should be focusing on right now. I really want to come out to Liam and potentially my dad this week.”

Zayn nodded gravely.

“That’s amazing, mate. I’m sure it’ll go smoothly, don’t worry. And I’ll be here for you if you need a supportive presence, okay?”

“I know, thanks. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you right now. But I’m so sorry about the whole situation with your parents. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

Zayn shrugged.

“It is what it is. One day, we might be able to have a conversation about our respective grievances, but I don’t have it in me to make this kind of effort for them right now, you know?”

“Yeah, and it’s fine. You totally don’t have to.”

Zayn nodded, and they fell into silence. They were just an hour away from their destination now. Harry tried to keep himself from checking his phone every thirty seconds, and got his songwriting notebook out of his bag. As he was looking out the window, watching the rain fall in the fields outside and the tiny droplets making random patterns on the glass, his mind wandered to Louis and everything he’d been feeling for the past couple of months. He started to scribble some words on the page, and quickly came up with what could be a first verse and a chorus. He’d never been that quick to write a song before. The next step was coming up with the melody and that was always his weak point, but he’d wait to be home to think about it. There was a piano there that he could use to help him find something.

He looked over at Zayn, who had dozed off. He nudged his side gently and Zayn slowly opened his eyes.

“We’ll be there in ten minutes. Also, I forgot to tell you, but Liam is picking us up. I already told him and my dad you’d be coming, by the way.”

Zayn immediately sat up in his seat.

“Oh shit. I’m not ready, mate. How do I look?”

Harry scoffed.

“Um, you _do_ know that you look like a literal painting no matter what, right? You’re gonna sweep him off his feet.”

Zayn blushed.

“Right. Excuse me if I don’t take you at your word and go to the bathroom to fix my hair.”

While his friend was gone, Harry checked his phone once again, but there was nothing from Louis. But maybe he really was too busy with traveling and dealing with his parents right now, so Harry chose not to read into his silence for now.

Anyway, now was not the time to dwell on it, since the train was pulling into the station. Zayn came back from the bathroom, looking a little pale.

“Everything okay?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, just a little nervous, I guess.”

They got off the train and walked to the end of the platform, where a familiar silhouette was waiting for them. Harry quickly reached his brother and they hugged tightly for a few seconds.

“Hey”, Liam said quietly. “It’s so good to see you, it’s been too long.”

“I know”, Harry smiled as they were pulling away.

Zayn was standing next to him a little awkwardly and hadn’t said a word yet. Liam turned towards him and a big smile illuminated his face.

“Zayn, mate, nice to see you!”

While they shook hands energetically, Zayn seemed to pull himself together and replied:

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too! How have you been?”

“Good, good. I’m happy to be taking a break from work, to be honest.”

They started heading out of the station and towards Liam’s car. Harry let his brother and his friend walk side by side and lingered a little behind them, automatically checking his phone, but of course there was nothing. They reached the car and Zayn asked:

“Um, Harry, want to sit in the front?”

“You know what, I think I’ll go in the back actually. I could use a quick nap.”

Zayn raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

A few minutes after they took off, Harry got a text and his heart raced for a second, but it was just Zayn saying:

_So you truly are being my wingman, huh?_

_Sorry, do you want me to stop?_

_God no. Now go to sleep and let me seduce your brother._

Harry smiled, put his head against the window, and closed his eyes. The trip should only take about thirty minutes, but for whatever reason he felt really tired, and he dozed off, half-listening to Liam and Zayn talking about how they both missed living by the sea, and about their current art projects.

***

When they made it to the house, it was still raining, so they had to quickly grab their bags and run to the door. Liam let them in with his keys, as their dad was at work and would not be back until the evening. It always felt a little weird for Harry to see how the house had become so empty since he and Liam had left. When they were younger, they always used to have Zayn and Liam’s friends around, and the house was rarely quiet. Of course, at the time, their mum was still living with them too, but their parents had divorced when Harry was fourteen, and she had moved back to France. It had been a while now, but Harry was still not used to her not being in the house to welcome them, and he suspected Liam felt the same way.

“Wow, it hasn’t really changed”, Zayn said. “I never thought I’d be back.”

“I know”, Harry smiled.

“Are you guys hungry? I could make scrambled eggs or something?” Liam offered.

“Yeah, that sounds great!” Harry said.

They left their bags in the entrance, and went to the kitchen, which was overlooking the garden. Even though it was midday, the overcast weather made the room really dark, but Harry quite liked the atmosphere anyway. It reminded him of his childhood in a way he couldn’t quite explain. Liam started cooking while Zayn settled at the table and Harry turned on their old radio player, settling on a station that was playing old rock songs.

They were all quiet as Liam was making the eggs, occasionally humming along to the songs. Eventually, he brought their plates and settled at the table with them.

Harry took a deep breath. Right now seemed as good a time as ever to say what he had to say. At this point, he just couldn’t wait to be done with it.

“So, Li, there’s something I have to tell you.”

“Oh, do you want me to leave you guys to it?” Zayn asked.

“No, stay, please.”

Liam was looking at them both, frowning.

“What’s up? Oh, are you guys dating?”

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“No, why does everyone assume we are?” he said, and he was amused to note that Liam looked relieved.

“I don’t know, it’s just the first thing that came to my mind. You’re always so secretive about that kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about... I never really meant to be secretive, it’s just, until recently, there was nothing to share, really.” Harry looked over at Zayn, who gave him an encouraging smile. “Because, I realized a few years ago that I’m asexual, and also not really interested in romance most of the time.”

Liam looked like he was putting on a carefully neutral face and said:

“I can’t really say that I’m surprised, actually. I always kind of wondered if maybe that was the case, but I didn’t want to push you to say anything. But I’m sorry if you felt you couldn’t tell me before.”

Harry nodded.

“No, it’s not that. I think I was just waiting to be, like, 100% sure, you know? And now I think I am, because there’s someone I really like, but I’m also not attracted to him in a sexual way. And if I don’t feel that kind of attraction to him, then there’s no way I’ll ever feel it with someone else, you know?”

Liam smiled.

“Yeah. That’s great that you met someone though. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with being single, obviously. I’m happy for you either way.”

“Thanks, Li. It means a lot.” Harry’s heart was swelling with relief.

“So, who’s the lucky guy then?”

“Oh, one of my coworkers. Louis? I think I told you about him.”

Liam frowned slightly.

“Yeah. I thought you didn’t really like him though?”

And wow. He and Liam really hadn’t been talking enough lately.

“I actually forgot about that”, Harry scoffed. “That was at the very beginning, but I was wrong about him. He’s really great.”

“Yeah, he is, I can confirm”, Zayn chimed in.

“Good. I’m counting on you to do my job when I’m not there”, said Liam to Zayn, and he actually winked at him.

Well then. Things were happening a little more quickly between those two than Harry had expected.

“But like, are you guys together?” Liam asked.

So Harry explained what had happened the night before, and Liam and Zayn tried to reassure him that Louis would call soon, but he still felt pretty anxious about it.

They finished eating and decided to play Mario Kart just like old times. As they were settling in in the living room, Harry noticed that it was raining a little less than before, and he suddenly said:

“Actually, I think I’m gonna go for a walk, if you guys don’t mind.”

“Oh, sure”, Zayn said. “Want us to come with or…?”

“No, I just need some time to think. I’ll see you in a while, enjoy Mario Kart!”

He sent a knowing look to Zayn who rolled his eyes, then left.

The house was five minutes away from the cliffs that were overlooking the Channel. The rain had almost ceased by now, and the smell of it made Harry shiver. There was something special about being by the sea in this weather, and he’d missed it.

He was walking along the path on the cliff, not thinking about much, when his phone started to ring. He stopped dead in his tracks and got it out of his pocket. Yep. It was Louis. He picked up, his hands and voice slightly trembling.

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s Louis.”

“Hey.”

“Um… What’s up? Did you make it home?”

“Yeah, we arrived an hour ago. I’m actually looking at the sea right now. It just rained so I can’t see the French coast, but I know it’s somewhere behind all the clouds and… I guess it makes me feel closer to my mum, you know?”

He didn’t know why he was blabbering about his mother and the landscape right now, but Louis didn’t seem bothered and answered:

“Wow. That sounds nice.”

“It is. Anyway, what about you? How are things back home?”

Louis sighed.

“Pretty bad, actually. My mum and I already got into a fight. We’ve reached a point where I don’t even know why we’re arguing anymore, but it’s like the only way we know how to communicate.”

“I’m sorry. Actually, Zayn got into a fight with his folks too last night. So he decided not to go home after all, and he came here with me instead.”

“Oh, that’s great!”

“Yeah, it feels good to have him here again after all this time. And I think he and Liam are kind of hitting it off.”

Louis laughed, then grew quiet and started:

“So, about last night…”

“Oh, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, of course I want to. And first off, I really want to say that I’m sorry that I got that drunk and you had to take care of me, and then for laying all of that on you without warning.”

“Yeah, um… It’s okay. I know you had a good reason to be upset last night. And about what you said, I understand if you want to take it back, you were drunk and maybe you didn’t mean it…”

Louis interrupted:

“No, are you kidding? Of course I meant it. I just wish I told you in better circumstances. But of course I like you. I’ve been feeling so good ever since we met, and I love being around you, and I wish we were together all the time, you know?”

Harry could almost feel his heart burst with happiness, but he immediately remembered that things were not as easy as they could be, and he was kind of dreading what was coming next.

“Yeah. Yeah I do know actually. I feel the same way. And… I’d love to be together with you. But there’s something you need to know first, and I didn’t want to tell you last night because I don’t think you were in the right state to hear it.”

“Okay. I understand. And I’m all ears now. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Harry took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe he was about to come out for the second time today, but there he was. He looked at the sea and said quickly:

“So, I’m ace. Asexual. Do you know what that means?”

“Oh. Yeah. I mean, I know it’s like, not being sexually attracted to people, right?”

And okay, that was already a good thing that Louis knew at least a little about it and didn’t seem freaked out, and Harry felt a little bit relieved.

“Yeah, exactly. And for some people, that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t have sex, but I think for me it does. I mean, I always thought that maybe, if I met the right person, I would eventually develop this kind of attraction but… You’re that person, I know in my guts you are. I never really wanted to be together with anyone until I met you. I don’t think I ever felt that way about anyone before. But I also know I wouldn’t want to have sex with you. And I’m sorry if that’s blunt, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but it really has nothing to do with you, you know?”

There were a few seconds of silence then Louis said:

“Yeah. Yeah, I understand, don’t worry.”

“So, I really wanted to tell you about it because I understand if that’s a problem for you, or if you need to think about it. I'd rather we both know what we’re getting into. So if you need some time, I get it, really. And if you think we can’t be together because of that, then that’s fine. I just hope we can continue being friends no matter what.” That took a lot for him to say that, because he was really hoping Louis would still want to be together anyway, but he also could not imagine losing him.

“Okay”, Louis replied quietly. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think I do need some time to think about it, do some research and stuff, I guess. I really want to be fair to you and make the right decision, you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine.”

“But thank you for telling me all this and being so open. I imagine it’s not easy for you. And I’m grateful you waited until today, because I was definitely not able to think properly yesterday.”

“Yeah… No worries.” Harry didn’t really know what to say. He understood that the information had probably taken Louis by surprise and that he needed time to think it through, and he knew eventually it was for the best. But, however unrealistic that seemed, some part of him was still disappointed that Louis hadn’t immediately said: “Whatever, I don’t care. Let's be together anyway!”

Louis asked in a worried tone:

“Are you mad at me that I can’t give you an answer right now?”

“No, I could never be mad at you, I think. And I told you, I understand if you need some time.”

“I swear I won’t take long, and I’ll call you as soon as I figure it out, okay?”

“Okay.”

Louis’ voice sounded very far away when he said:

“Good. We’ll talk very soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, and Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you already.”

Harry smiled.

“I miss you too, Lou.”

Just as he was hanging up, the rain started pouring down again and he ran back to the house.

✥✥✥

Louis hung up his phone and immediately googled “asexuality”. Of course, he’d heard about it before, but didn’t know much about it, and had never met anyone who was ace before Harry—come to think of it, he probably had, but was just not aware of it. He read as much as he could, getting deeper and deeper into forums and personal accounts and Tumblr posts. The more he read, the more he understood some stuff about Harry, like how uncomfortable he’d seemed when Louis had asked him who he found the most attractive between him and Zayn that time after Trivia Night.

After what seemed like hours, he finally put his phone down, and absently went into the shower. Thoughts were whirling in his brain. He felt like his whole concept of what a relationship was had just been turned upside down. He’d never really considered that sexual and romantic attraction were two completely separate things before, and yet it made so much sense. After all, he’d had sex with plenty of guys before, and yet he hadn’t been romantically attracted to them. So, why couldn’t Harry be romantically attracted to him without wanting to have sex? The question was, was he ready to give up on sex to be with Harry? His first instinct would have been to say no, but after reading all these things, he was starting to wonder whether he just _thought_ that sex was important in a relationship because that’s what he’d been told since birth. But maybe he could actually go without it? After all, he’d been celibate for a few months in the summer, and that hadn’t been a problem. He’d hardly thought about it, and hadn’t really missed it. And sex had always been some kind of coping mechanism to him anyway.

So, in the end it was pretty easy, he decided as he got out of the shower. If the choice was between being with Harry or having miserable sex with strangers, there was really no question.

He almost wanted to call back Harry right away, but some part of him really wanted to tell him face to face. But that would mean waiting for a full week, and that would be very cruel to make Harry wait for that long when he already had his answer. Unless… That seemed a little extreme, but what if he went to Harry’s place? It was just a few hours away by train, and nothing was really keeping him here anyway. It was too late to leave tonight, but he could go first thing the next day. He just needed to tell his parents.

He quickly went down the stairs and found his mum reading in the living room. She hardly acknowledged his presence, but he forced himself to remain calm and said:

“So, I think I’m going to visit a friend tomorrow. He lives a few hours away, so I’m going to take the train.”

His mum didn’t look up from her book, but asked:

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know, just for the day I guess. Or maybe overnight, actually.” He really hadn’t thought it through.

“Fine”, his mum said, finally looking up at him. “But I hope you’ll be here for dinner with your dad tonight?”

“Yeah, of course.” And before his mum could go back to her book, he continued: “Aren’t you going to ask me who this friend is?” He had an unexplainable urge to talk about Harry right now.

“I don’t know, Louis”, his mother sighed. “Everytime I ask you about your life, you seem to take it as a criticism and a personal attack.”

“Well, maybe it’s because you always phrase it as a criticism!” he started. But he really didn't want to get into it again today, so he forced himself to take a deep breath, and said: “Sorry. I’m tired of fighting. I just wish we could have a normal conversation for once.”

At this, his mum actually put her book down and said:

“Let’s try, then. Come sit with me and tell me about this friend.”

So he started telling her about Harry without going into too much detail, and she seemed to be earnestly listening to him. The conversation derailed to the other friends he’d made this term and his job at the lab, and they only stopped talking when his dad came home from a run. Louis’ relationship with him was a little less strained than with his mum, and he was genuinely glad to spend some time with him this week.

The rest of the evening went surprisingly well, all things considered. During dinner, they carefully avoided certain topics, like Connor, Louis being gay, and generally anything political, but Louis figured they could always have these difficult conversations another time.

He went to bed feeling much better than when he’d woken up that morning. Tomorrow he’d get to see Harry, and hopefully things would be good from now on.

***

The next day, Louis went to the station early and took the first train to the South Coast. He was wondering if he should maybe warn Harry that he was coming, but felt that it would defeat the purpose of this somewhat grand romantic gesture he was about to accomplish. So he texted Zayn instead.

_Hey. So, don’t tell Harry, but I’m currently on the train to come see him right now. Is it crazy?? Also, what’s the address of Harry’s house?_

About five minutes later, Zayn replied:

_A little bit crazy imo, but I think Harry will appreciate it. He’s been pretty stressed since yesterday. And I’ll send you the address asap, I just have to ask Liam when he wakes up._

Louis was a little bit relieved to hear that his presence would most likely be welcomed, but also felt guilty that Harry had been stressed because of him.

He spent the rest of the train ride trying to catch up on his readings, but found it difficult to focus when so many things were happening right now. Not only with Harry, but with his parents as well. It felt like they’d finally had a breakthrough the previous night, and even though things were far from being completely fixed, maybe it was the first step to having a somewhat more peaceful relationship with them.

Just as he was about to give up on his book and play Candy Crush instead—he always did that whenever he needed a break from his thoughts—Zayn called him.

“Hey mate! What’s up?”

“Hey! I just talked to Liam and he told me once you make it to the station you have to take a bus to their village, but apparently it’s super long and tedious. So, Liam offered to come and pick you up with his car, and I’ll stay with Harry and try to distract him.”

“Oh, um, that would be great. But please tell Liam he doesn’t have to do it, I’m happy to take the bus too.”

“Well, from what I understand, he’s actually curious to meet you. And he’s probably gonna pull some ‘don’t mess with my little brother’ act on you.”

At that, Louis heard an unfamiliar voice in the distance say:

“I definitely am.”

Louis nervously chuckled and said:

“Okay, well, I’m supposed to arrive in an hour. Tell Liam to look for the short kid with blue eyes and a devastating smile.”

Zayn snorted:

“Will do. See you soon, Lou. And don’t worry, we’re all glad you’re coming.”

***

When Louis emerged out of the station, he realized the sun was shining and he took it as a good omen for what was to come. He was almost immediately accosted by a guy with short dark hair, big brown eyes, and a soft smile.

“Hey, I’m Liam. Are you Louis?”

“Yep, that’s me! I take it my description was pretty accurate, then.”

Liam laughed warmly as they shook hands, and Louis did see a little bit of Harry in the way he smiled and his somewhat goofy attitude.

Liam led him to his car and they didn’t say anything at first, but as they were taking off he asked:

“So… What exactly are you coming here for?”

“Oh, er… There’s something I need to tell Harry face to face.”

He kept it vague because he wasn’t sure how much, if anything, Liam knew about the whole situation. But Liam replied:

“Harry told us about the conversation you guys had yesterday. Since you came here, I’m assuming you made your decision.”

“Yeah, I did”, Louis nodded. Then, when he saw that Liam was looking at him with raised eyebrows, he quickly added: “And it’s yes, obviously. I just want to be with him, no matter what.”

“Good”, Liam said seriously, before carrying on: “Look, I really don’t want to do the intimidating speech thing. If Harry wants to be with you, then I assume you’re a genuinely good person and you deserve him. Zayn talks highly of you too and I know he’s a good judge of character, so I’m just excited to get to know you as well. Now, there’s one thing I _will_ judge you on though, and that’s your music taste. So if you want to be in charge of the playlist for the next half hour, you’re welcome to, but do it at your own risk.”

Louis laughed. He really liked Liam’s bluntness already, and he felt like the two of them would probably get along well.

“Okay. Challenge accepted, I guess.”

He got his phone out and settled for some indie rock bands that Harry and Niall had made him discover, and Liam seemed to approve. They spent the rest of the ride casually talking about random artists and writers they both liked, and Louis almost managed to completely forget about what had brought him there in the first place—namely, hopefully getting together with Harry at last.

***

Five minutes before they made it to the house, Louis texted Zayn and he came to greet them when Liam parked the car.

“Hey! Good to see you”, Zayn said, giving Louis a quick hug. “Harry went for a walk on the cliff, if you want to join him.”

Louis nodded and followed Liam and Zayn’s directions. With each step he was taking, he felt more and more anxious and excited. He reached the edge of the cliff and saw the silhouette of Harry a few dozen meters away, apparently lying on the grass. He quietly walked up to him and watched his own shadow getting closer and closer to Harry’s body. He stopped when the tip of his shadow reached Harry’s hand, and cleared his throat. Harry, who had his eyes closed, started, opened his eyes, and looked at him in disbelief.

“Louis? What are you doing here?” he asked as he was sitting up.

Louis sat down next to him and said:

“I thought I’d come and check out the view for myself.”

Harry smiled.

“Ah. What do you think then?”

Louis turned to take an actual look at the view. It was indeed beautiful, and today was such a sunny day that the sea was immaculately blue.

“I love it. That black line in the distance… Is it the French coast?”

“Yep. You’re lucky to be seeing it at this time of the year. Do you want to check out the beach?”

“Sure.”

They followed the path in silence for a few minutes, then reached a set of wooden steps that were leading to the beach. Once they made it to the sand, they started walking along the water.

“It’s so… peaceful here”, Louis said.

“Yeah. It’s because it’s the offseason. Things are very different around here in the summer.”

“I can imagine. Must have been nice to grow up here though”, he replied, and he felt like he was buying time.

“Louis… Why did you come here?” Harry interrupted, and thank God for him.

Louis stopped walking and turned to face him. Harry’s green eyes looked down to his.

“Because… I have my answer.”

“Already? Are you sure?” Harry said, biting his lip.

“Yeah, I am. And I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you right away yesterday, I’m just… a little slow sometimes I guess.”

He stopped talking and smiled at Harry, but the boy was still staring at him, slightly frowning.

“Um… So what’s your answer, then?”

Louis had to resist the urge to punch himself in the face.

“Oh sorry! It’s yes, of course. Of course I want to be together with you, and whatever you want to do or not do, I’m fine with it.”

Harry’s face lit up.

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yep. I did research and stuff, but honestly it was a quick call. I’m 100% sure. Nay, 1000% even. _You’re_ way more important to me than sex or anything else, okay? I’m not saying it’s not gonna be difficult at times, but I think we became quite good at communicating and figuring stuff out, right?”

“I agree”, Harry nodded, still smiling.

“Also, I wanted to tell you, I know I drink too much and it’s quite a problem, and I promise I’m going to work on that because I don’t want you to have to deal with it again.”

“No, it’s okay”, Harry said as he gripped his elbow. “I mean, I’m glad you’re willing to change it, but I know how difficult it’s been for you, and I just want to be here for you, always.”

“Thanks, Curly”, Louis replied, and he may or may not have been getting a little emotional.

“Now, can I hug you?” Harry asked timidly.

“Of course.”

So Harry wrapped his arms around him and Louis’ chin found its usual spot in the crook of the taller boy’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, taking in the mixed salty smell of the sea and of Harry’s skin. After a while, he heard Harry’s voice whisper in his ear:

“Can I kiss you?”

Louis whispered back:

“Are you sure? I mean, we don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“I’m sure”, Harry answered confidently.

So they slightly loosened their hug and faced one another. They’d never been that close before, and Louis noticed shades of blue in Harry’s green eyes, and he would have been happy to just get lost in them forever. There were a few seconds of hesitation, then Harry eventually leaned down and lightly pressed his lips on Louis’. Neither of them moved. Louis was already quite overwhelmed by the feel of Harry’s soft lips over his.

When Harry pulled out after a few seconds and asked: “Was this okay?”, Louis instantly replied: “More than okay!”

Harry smiled and said: “I kind of want to do it again.”

Louis laughed. “I mean, I wouldn’t stop you”.

So Harry leaned down again and they started kissing a little more earnestly. Harry cupped Louis’ face in his hands and was lightly brushing his cheekbones with his thumbs while Louis slowly raised his hands and gently pulled at his curls. It was the softest make-out session he’d ever had, and yet he’d never felt that way kissing somebody before. He was just… completely satisfied, and somehow overwhelmed, but most importantly happy and at peace. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, occasionally pulling out to catch their breath and smile at one another, and what eventually interrupted them was the tide reaching their feet.

They both jumped at the feeling of the cold water reaching their soles, and burst out laughing.

“Wow, I actually forgot we were on the beach”, Harry said.

“Me too. You’re that good of a kisser.”

Harry blushed, brushed the comment off, and grabbed his hand.

“Come on. Let’s go home. You have to meet Liam.”

Louis scoffed.

“So, funny story…”

✥✥✥

When they made it to the house, they ran into Liam and Zayn making out on the porch. Harry and Louis stopped dead in their tracks, looking amusedly at one another, then Louis cleared his throat loudly. Zayn and Liam jumped and turned to look at them a little guiltily. They both looked down to see Harry and Louis holding hands, and Zayn smirked while Liam raised his eyebrows.

“So…” Harry said.

“So...” Zayn replied, and they left it at that.

They all went back into the house and heard Harry and Liam’s dad call them from the kitchen:

“Guys, lunch is ready!”

Louis turned towards Zayn and Liam:

“Shit, does he know I’m here?”

Liam nodded:

“Yeah, I told him.”

As they entered the kitchen, Harry’s dad turned towards Louis and exclaimed:

“Oh, hi! A newcomer!”

“Dad, this is Louis”, introduced Harry.

“Nice to meet you, sir”, Louis said, shaking his dad’s hand.

“Oh, please, call me Matt. So, you’re one of Harry’s co-workers, is that right?”

“Um, actually Dad”, Harry replied, blushing, “we’re together.”

“Oh”, Matt said, looking a little surprised, but immediately smiling. “Oh well, welcome to the family then, son”, he declared as he clapped Louis on the back. Louis looked slightly shocked at hearing these warm words, but his face slowly lit up and Harry felt butterflies in his stomach watching it unfold.

Meanwhile, Liam cleared his throat and said:

“Er, just so you know Dad, Zayn and I are together now too.”

Matt looked overjoyed.

“Zayn, I won’t say ‘welcome to the family’ because you were already part of it, but I’m happy for you. All of you. Now, who’s hungry?” And they all happily sat at the table and ate in a cheerful atmosphere. Harry couldn’t remember the last time this very kitchen had been so lively, and he couldn’t believe his luck to be surrounded by some of his favourite people in the world right now. He and Louis kept glancing at each other and smiling, and Zayn and Liam seemed to be in the same state.

After lunch, they tried to teach some more skateboarding to Louis, who got significantly better in a few hours, but still seemed slightly terrified whenever Harry wasn’t there to catch him if he fell.

“You’re so cute”, Harry said proudly as they were walking back to the house.

“Stop it. I’m handsome, not cute”, Louis replied, feigning annoyance.

Harry giggled.

“You _are_ handsome. But you’re also the cutest when you’re boarding. I don’t make the rules here”, he said as he kissed Louis on the cheek, and his boyfriend looked genuinely flustered.

“By the way”, Harry continued, “how long are you here for?”

“Oh. Well, I think the last train today leaves around 8, so I guess I’ll have to leave here around 7.15 to be safe?”

“Or you could stay the night, if you want?” Harry offered, feeling himself blush a little.

Louis looked equally flustered at the prospect and said: “I… wouldn’t want to impose. Also, I don’t have any of my things.”

“Oh don’t worry, no one would mind, especially not my dad. And I could lend you some stuff? But you don’t have to decide now, I guess. Let’s see how the rest of the day goes, we can always make a last-minute decision.”

“Sounds good to me”, Louis said as he planted a kiss on Harry’s cheek in return.

They spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing and playing video games with Liam and Zayn. After having an early dinner, they still had about an hour before Louis was supposed to be leaving.

“What should we do until then?” Louis asked.

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to show you. Well, not show, exactly…”

“Oh, what it is?”

Harry led him to a small room overlooking the garden, with a piano facing the window.

“This used to be my mum’s office. And that’s also where she taught me to play the piano.”

He sat on the bench.

“I began writing a song yesterday. I only have the first verse and chorus, but I thought I could play it for you, if you want? I could use some feedback.”

“Of course, H. I’d love to hear it”, Louis replied softly, and he crossed his arms over the top of the piano to watch him play.

Harry was starting to regret his decision, as he was still self-conscious about sharing his music, especially to Louis. Not to mention that song itself. But he steeled himself, closed his eyes, and played the intro, then started singing, his voice becoming more and more confident.

_It’s been eight thousand and sixty five days_  
_Never quite felt this way_  
_Having endless conversations_  
_‘Bout everything, no interruption_  
_With a short guy, blue eyes and wearing glasses_  
_While in my ears, my heart races_  
_I might be losing my chances_  
_Of being alone in this life_

_Oh, it’s nothing new, I guess_  
_Except I didn't know what it’s like_  
_The nights, and the feeling in my chest_  
_Like strobe lights_  
_That won’t let me rest_

He stopped, his hands still slightly trembling over the keys. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up to Louis, who was watching him with an unreadable expression.

“Was that about me?”

“Er, yeah. Obviously.”

Louis nodded.

“Obviously.” Then: “Can I kiss you?”

Harry smiled.

“Obviously.”

So Louis leaned down and whispered: “It was beautiful, H. How’s that for feedback?”, and he pressed his lips to his. Harry was still getting used to the feeling of Louis being so close, but he liked it. He’d never felt that connected to anyone before, and even though it felt on the edge of too much at times, he was kind of reveling in the feeling. He could see himself doing that everyday for the rest of his life, quite frankly. It was hard to believe that he and Louis had known each other for a few months only, when being there in his arms already felt so familiar, almost like being home.

When they both pulled out to catch their breath, he whispered:

“You’re gonna miss your train, babe.”

Louis caressed his cheek, smiled, and said:

“I know.”

Then he leaned down to give Harry another kiss.

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is guys, hope you liked it :)  
> As always, thank you to everyone who's been reading this. You're always welcome to leave comments or come say hi on my [tumblr](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/) if you want to talk about anything!
> 
> Also, you can consider this fic done, but I'm going to write a short bonus epilogue that I'll share very soon!
> 
> Thank you again for all being so lovely and welcoming me to this fandom <3 For those wondering, I do have a couple of ideas for future fics, but I think I need a break to recharge before I get to them. Stay tuned though ;)


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I decided to post this after all.  
> Hope you enjoy <3

Last day of the term. Harry’s songwriting class was having an end of the year showcase that counted towards the final grades of the students, and Louis was very excited about it. The whole lab was attending, as well as Shay, Zayn, of course, and Liam had made the trip especially for the occasion—well, probably to spend time with his boyfriend as well, to be fair.

They all met up at the entrance of the auditorium where Harry would be performing. Zayn and Liam were apparently still in their honeymoon phase which, Louis couldn’t blame them, considering how he and Harry were totally the same. Alex and Anna were still going strong, Shay arrived with her new girlfriend, and Niall and Lisa were joking about about how they were the eternal single ones in the group and would end up marrying each other if they didn’t find anyone soon. Louis thought to himself that these two had chemistry and would actually be great together, but he kept it to himself. It was funnier to see how long it would take them to figure it out. He leaned towards Zayn and Liam and whispered:

“Bet you 10 pounds they’ll end up together within 6 months.”

Zayn looked over at Niall and Lisa, smiled slightly and answered:

“3 months at the most.”

Liam chimed in:

“3 weeks.”

Louis snorted. “Cheeky! That’s a deal.”

Just as they were surreptitiously shaking hands, the doors to the auditorium opened and they entered the room.

They found seats close the stage and the show started pretty quickly. Louis knew Harry was among the last ones to go and was probably losing his shit, so he texted him:

_Hey love. I know you must be stressed right now, but I’m sure you’re gonna be great! Remember you’ve rehearsed this so many times, there’s no way you mess it up. Also Niall tells me you became a pro at guitar, and if he says that, I know it must be true. Can’t wait to see you up there xx._

As the second student was getting on stage, Harry answered:

_Thanks, Lou. Weirdly I’m not that stressed, more like excited I guess. Whatever happens, I’m just happy you’re all there! See you on the other side <3_

Louis smiled. Harry had truly come out of his shell these past few months. There was no way September Harry would have been able to be so chill about performing in front of —Louis turned to look at the room—whoa, essentially 100 people. He felt a wave of gratefulness for everyone currently sitting with him, as he knew they had all helped Harry feel more confident and free in their own way.

After they heard about 8 students performing—they were all tremendously good, what the fuck—it was finally Harry’s turn. He slowly walked onto the stage, spotted their little group and smiled at them, then stood behind the mic, holding his guitar with firm hands. He leaned down to speak into the mic, and Louis got chills hearing his voice resonate in the room:

“Hi everyone. Hope you’re enjoying the show. So, the song I’m gonna sing tonight is called _Strobe Lights_ , and I wrote it about two months ago. It’s dedicated to a special someone who’s in the room right now. Louis, thank you for being you. I don’t even have the words to express how grateful I am we met, but hopefully the song will speak for me.”

Shay turned towards Louis and said with a smirk:

“You guys are disgusting.”

But Louis hardly heard her, as he was solely focusing on Harry, who had just started singing, and he was trying not to get emotional—which wasn’t really working, as he was kind of tearing up. Of course, he’d heard the song many times by now, but there was something about hearing it live, with the acoustics and the audience and the lights… He was just so proud of Harry right now. When he sang the last chorus, he looked straight into Louis’ eyes and Louis sent him a kiss. Harry smiled softly, finished the song, and sent Louis a kiss back before greeting the audience and exiting the scene.

“Whoa”, Niall commented. “That was amazing.”

“I know”, Liam said, and he was looking slightly perplexed. “He was so confident, like, proper rock star attitude, what the hell?”

Louis had to keep himself from bragging “That’s my boyfriend!”, and said instead:

“Yeah, I think he’s really grown into the music stuff, he told me that he feels like he’s finally found his path.”

Liam nodded.

“That’s great. I wish I’d realized before that I was made for creative stuff too.”

“It’s never too late though, hon”, Zayn said. “Your art is getting so popular, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could quit your job soon.”

“Yeah, the Styles brothers are quite talented”, Louis smiled.

***

After the show, they all waited for Harry to join them before walking to Niall’s house to celebrate.

“Dude, that was so great!” Niall exclaimed as soon as he saw Harry. “And nice work on the guitar!”

Harry was apparently back to his normal self and blushed.

“Thanks. I have to give credit to the teacher though.”

Everyone chimed in to say how impressed by Harry and everyone else they had been, and Liam and Zayn quickly hugged him from both sides. Eventually, as everyone was setting off, Harry and Louis lagged behind a little, and Harry nervously asked:

“What did you think?”

“I thought it was beautiful and I’m really proud of my boyfriend”, Louis replied as he kissed Harry on the cheek before taking his hand and starting to walk.

Harry grinned.

“Really?”

“Really. Also, that little speech you gave made me embarrassingly soft.”

“That was my intention”, Harry smirked. Then he continued, a little more seriously. “But you know that’s true, right? I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you in my life, I haven’t felt that happy in a long time. If ever, actually.”

“I know. I feel the same way. I love you so much, you know?” Louis abruptly stopped walking. Shit. They hadn’t used the L-word before.

But Harry’s face illuminated and he gently squeezed Louis’ hand:

“Hey. Don’t panic. I love you too, obviously.”

“Oh thank god”, fake-sighed Louis, but he actually felt relieved. They started kissing softly but were quickly interrupted by Alex shouting towards them:

“Um, guys, not to pressure you but if you continue this way you’re gonna lose us!”

“Shit sorry!” Louis shouted back as Harry giggled, and they ran to catch up with the group.

***

When they made it to Niall’s house, they threw themselves onto the couch with Liam and Zayn while the rest of the group was going to the kitchen to fetch food and drinks.

“Shouldn’t we help them?” Liam asked.

“It’s too comfortable here for me to ever stand up again”, Zayn muttered, his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

He’d had to stay up all night to finish editing his short film before submitting it, and definitely looked like he was about to pass out. 

“I can’t believe we’re all going home tomorrow”, he said. “I’m kind of dreading seeing my parents after all this time.”

“Yeah, I feel you”, Louis sighed. “But I would recommend trying to have a calm conversation about a safe topic with them, if you can. Start there and then see where it leads you. Seems to be working for me and my folks.”

“Yeah, and if it doesn’t work, you can always come to our place again, okay?” Liam said.

“That’s probably what’s going to happen, not gonna lie.”

Meanwhile, Harry told Louis:

“I’m happy things are starting to get better with your parents, but I kind of wish we could celebrate your birthday together. Is it selfish?”

Louis smiled and lightly kissed Harry’s palm.

“No, of course not. I wish we could do that too. But we’ll catch up in January, okay?”

The four of them stayed silent for a few seconds, then Louis remembered something.

“Oh by the way, love, we made a bet about when Niall and Lisa are finally going to get together. Wanna take part? I’m saying within 6 months, Zayn is saying within 3 months, and Liam is saying within 3 weeks.”

Harry snorted.

“I think you’re all wrong. I’m saying tonight.”

“Bold”, Zayn commented.

Louis grinned. “That’s my boy.”

When the others came back, they all sat in a circle and chatted for what felt like hours, Niall occasionally playing his guitar while Harry was singing his favourite songs. Near the end of the night, most people were pretty drunk—Louis was proud to say he’d been sober for a few weeks now, even though he was definitely struggling. But he was confident that he'd make it through, especially with Harry by his side.

Alex put on a playlist of cheesy love songs, and all the couples started slow-dancing, at first in a joking way, but Louis got caught up in the emotion, and he could tell that Harry was feeling it too. As they were gently swaying in each other’s arms, they watched Niall and Lisa look slightly embarrassed, as they were the only two people still sitting down. Eventually, they heard Lisa say:

“Um, wanna dance?”

Niall, looking uncharacteristically flustered, nodded, and they joined the rest of them at the centre of the room. Louis and Harry pretended not to pay attention to them, and Zayn and Liam were most definitely doing the same, but they were all eagerly waiting to see what would happen. As the song ended and the playlist moved on to an even sappier one, they saw Niall and Lisa get closer and closer, until Niall whispered something to Lisa’s ear, she nodded, and they started kissing. 

Louis stopped swaying and looked over at Zayn and Liam, who both looked as mortified as he probably did. Harry smiled smugly, leaned towards Louis’ ear and whispered:

“What did I tell you?”

Louis laughed, pulled Harry back in his arms and they started dancing again. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to revel into the peaceful feeling that being with Harry always gave him.

“I know it’s only a couple of weeks, but I’m going to miss you. So much.”

“Me too”, Harry nodded. “Me too. But we’ll both be back home soon enough.”

Louis smiled.

“Are you saying we are each other’s home?”

“We are. Don’t you agree?”

And of course he did.

“Yes. You’re my home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, now it's really the end... If you ever want to come talk to me about these characters over [here](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com), please do 'cause I'm gonna miss them. Also, if you enjoyed this, you can go show [this post](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/post/626276139015585792/say-it-back-by-wordsnnotes-aka-quelsentiment) some love, but no pressure obviously :)  
> Thank you so much everybody, love you all! xx. E.


	8. Bonus: Liam and Zayn's reading break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened between Liam and Zayn during reading break, from Liam's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, guess who's back!!  
> I've actually had this in my drafts for a while now and didn't know if I should post it or not. But this fic recently reached 1,500 hits - which I know compared to many others is not a lot, but it's way more than I would have ever expected. So, to celebrate and thank all of you folks for reading, here's a Ziam bonus chapter, because Ziam is life, and also Liam deserved his moment of glory.  
> Hope you enjoy 💕

Liam couldn’t help whistling a joyful tune as he grabbed his bag, locked his apartment, and went down the stairs. He’d been waiting for this break for so long, and he couldn’t wait to finally go back home and forget about work for a few days. He knew a week was probably going to feel way too short, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. All that mattered was that he’d get to spend some time with Harry and his dad, and that was more than enough to make him feel happier than he’d been in months.

Just as he was about to start his car, he got a phone call from Harry.

“Hey! I was just taking off. Your train arrives at the station around 11.30, right?”

“Yep. But I wanted to give you a heads-up that I won’t be alone.”

Harry’s voice sounded weirdly unfamiliar. To be fair, they hadn’t been talking that much over the past few months. Harry seemed to have finally found some close friends at uni, and Liam was so overworked that he didn’t really have the energy to call anyone these days anyway. But he wasn’t too worried about it. Harry and him had always been tight and it would take them just a few minutes to fall back into their brotherly routine. Although maybe things would be different this time, seeing as Harry was apparently bringing a guest with him.

“Oh! Who’s coming along?”

“Zayn, actually.” Liam’s heart fluttered a little upon hearing the name. “He was supposed to spend reading break with his parents, but he got into a fight with them last night, so I offered him to come with us instead. I already checked with dad if it was okay, but it’s no problem for you either, right?”

“Of course not, I’ll be happy to see him!”

“That’s what I thought”, Harry said, and it sounded like he was teasing him, but Liam couldn’t be sure. 

“Cool. Well, I’ll see you guys at the station in a couple of hours, then!”

“Yeah, see you soon! Drive safely.”

Liam hung up and took off. He quickly got out of his suburban hometown, located in the outskirts of London, and reached the motorway a few minutes later. Once he settled into a rhythm, he allowed his mind to wander back to what Harry had told him about Zayn. He’d been in contact with the guy for the past few weeks after he’d called Harry one day and Zayn had answered in his place. Somehow they’d ended up talking for a while, and when he’d learned that Zayn was a film major and also pursuing other art projects on the side, Liam couldn’t help but mention that he had got into art as well, and had even created an instagram account for his creations, even though he hadn't told anyone else about it yet. But Zayn had been very encouraging, and they had started DM-ing every few days about the progress they were making on their respective projects. Zayn had even offered to put him in touch with some of his artist friends in London, which Liam had declined for now because for some reason the only person he felt comfortable talking to about his art was Zayn himself.

And now they were apparently about to meet again after all these years, and Liam had to admit he was excited about it. He’d known Zayn as long as Harry had, of course, but he’d always been his brother’s best friend so he couldn’t say they’d ever been very close. They did use to hang out as a trio quite a lot though, rotating between their three main activities: watching Friends (this one was Harry’s favourite and Liam had a sense he and Zayn were both agreeing to do it for his brother’s sake), skateboarding (which was Zayn’s specialty), and playing Mario Kart (which was Liam’s most prided talent at the time). But none of these hobbies allowed for much in-depth conversation, so in the end Zayn had always remained quite a mystery to him, even though he seemed cool, and also very very smart. So, long story short, Liam was looking forward to finally getting to know the guy a little better.

***

He made it to the station about two hours later. The drive had been uneventful, if not rainy, and he was eager to get some company after having had to put up with silly programs on the radio and songs he didn’t like (he’d forgotten his phone cable at home and hadn’t been able to listen to his favourite driving playlist). Harry and Zayn’s train was supposed to arrive any minute now, so he ran towards the station and only stopped when he reached the end of the platform, a little out of breath. 

A few minutes later, the train was pulling into the station and he quickly spotted Harry getting off and walking towards him, accompanied by someone who could only be Zayn, even though Liam had trouble recognising him from afar. Finally, they reached him and Liam immediately pulled his brother for a hug, saying:

“It’s good to see you, it’s been too long.”

Harry smiled and replied: “I know.”

Then Liam turned and finally took a good look at Zayn. It took him only a split second to realise that 1. Zayn hadn’t really changed but at the same time 2. he’d gotten really, _really_ attractive. But Liam pulled himself together and tried to greet him in a casual way:

“Zayn, mate, nice to see you!”

Zayn, who’d been silent and had looked a little tense so far, lit up and shook his hand with a strong grip that took Liam by surprise.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too! How have you been?”

And it was a little weird to be talking to him as if they hadn’t been in almost constant contact for the past few weeks, but Liam went along with it and replied:

“Good, good! I’m happy to be taking a break from work, to be honest.”

And he started leading them out of the station. For whatever reason, Harry seemed to be a little out of it and was lagging behind as Liam and Zayn were walking side by side in silence. When they reached his car, Zayn asked Harry if he wanted to sit in the front but Harry replied he’d rather take a nap in the back. Liam frowned as he settled in his seat. This wasn’t really like Harry to pass up on an opportunity to catch up with him. He really hoped his brother wasn’t mad at him for not calling him enough these past few months. Or maybe he’d found out about Zayn and him talking and didn’t like it? But it didn’t really sound like Harry to be jealous… 

As he started the car and drove out of the parking lot, Liam promised himself to check on his brother as soon as they got a moment together. In the meantime, he’d have to entertain Zayn during the last part of their journey. Just as he was racking his brain trying to find something to say - why was it so difficult now that they were face-to-face? - Zayn asked:

“So, are you excited to go home?”

Liam smiled.

“Yeah, you have no idea! I can’t wait to be by the sea especially, I’ve missed it.”

“Yeah, me too”, Zayn nodded. “So I take it you’re not that into the London life?”

“I mean, I do like London, but I’m not actually living _in_ London, you know? I just go there for work and then I come back home, and most weekends I’m too exhausted to go out. I can’t really say I’ve had an actual social life for a while, at least not since I broke up with my boyfriend.”

Liam stopped and felt himself blush a little. He didn't really know what had pushed him to mention the breakup, but it was too late to take it back now.

“Oh. Sorry to hear about that”, Zayn said quietly.

“Oh no it’s fine, it’s been a while now. I don’t think it was meant to work, but it was nice while it lasted, you know?” And apparently there was no stopping himself now. He did hope Harry was actually taking a nap and not eavesdropping on them, because otherwise he’d never hear the end of it. Zayn didn’t seem bothered though, as he replied:

“Yeah, I’m familiar with the feeling. My ex and I… I don’t think we would have ever worked and I was always aware of it deep-down, but I was so taken with him at the time that I just wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.”

Liam nodded and tried to hide the fact that he was internally freaking out. He’d never really suspected Zayn might be into guys as well, since as far as he could remember he was only dating girls back in the day.

“Still sucks to be proven right though. I guess a part of us always clings to the hope that things will work out eventually.”

As he said that, Liam shot a glance at Zayn, who smiled bitterly.

“Yeah, exactly. Until you have to do what’s best for yourself and put an end to it.”

Liam hummed. It did seem like Zayn’s past relationship had been complicated and had left quite a mark on him, but now was definitely not the time to try to know more about it. And it wasn’t really any of his business anyway, was it?

So they fell into silence for a while, both listening to the sound of the raindrops crashing on the windscreen. In other circumstances, Liam might have grown fidgety from not saying anything, but Zayn had a kind of calming and grounding presence, so Liam just focused on his driving until they reached their destination a dozen minutes later. Zayn broke the silence and said:

“Well, it doesn’t seem to have changed much.”

“No, not really”, Liam agreed. “So you haven’t been back here ever since your family moved?”

“No”, Zayn sighed. “I was stupid and didn’t keep in touch with Harry. Otherwise I’m sure I would have been back at some point.”

“Well, the important thing is that you’re back now, isn’t it?” Liam said as he tapped on Zayn’s forearm. “And I know Harry’s really happy to have found you again, even if it took a few years”

Zayn smiled.

“Yeah, I’m very happy too.”

While Liam was parking the car in the courtyard, Zayn turned towards Harry and gently shook his knee. Harry was definitely sleeping after all, as it took him a few seconds to open his eyes and realise where he was.

“Oh. Are we here already?”

“Yep”, Liam answered. “And it’s still pouring outside, we’ll have to make a run for it.”

So they quickly grabbed their bags in the boot of the car and ran to the house. Liam was starving, as he had neglected to eat breakfast that morning, and as soon as they entered he offered to make scrambled eggs. Both Harry and Zayn nodded happily, and they all raced to the kitchen.

***

After lunch, Liam absently followed the two boys to the living room, thinking back on what Harry had just revealed about himself. Liam couldn’t say he was surprised _per se_ , but somehow he still hadn’t expected it and had felt quite unprepared. Now he was playing back their conversation and hoping he’d reacted in the right way, wondering if he’d said something stupid or unsupportive. He remembered coming out to Harry and his dad when he was 15, and how stressed and vulnerable he’d felt then. But they had both been immediately understanding and reassuring, and Liam hoped he had properly returned the favour to Harry. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly registered it when Harry said he was going for a walk and left the room. After a few seconds of silence, Zayn looked at him quizzically, cleared his throat and asked:

“So, are you still up to play Mario Kart?”

“What? Oh, um, yeah, just let me find the game, it must be here somewhere.” 

As he started rummaging through a bookcase, he heard Zayn say quietly:

“I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to. You seem distracted. Is it about what Harry said?”

Liam stopped searching and slowly turned towards Zayn, leaning against the shelves.

“Yeah”, he sighed. “I’m just worried I wasn’t supportive enough, you know? It’s stupid but I just never expected Harry to come out too, I guess. And now it makes me even more appreciative of the way he and my dad reacted back when _I_ came out. It’s difficult to find the middle-ground between under-reacting and overreacting, you know?”

“Yeah, I see what you mean”, Zayn pondered. “But for what it’s worth, I think you reacted exactly the way Harry wanted you to. Like, you didn’t make a big deal out of it and just listened to him, and didn’t ask stupid questions, and told him you were happy for him. I think that’s just what he needed to hear.”

“Really?”

Zayn smiled softly. “Really.”

Liam smiled back, and they looked at it each other silently for a few seconds. Liam started to wonder if they were having a moment, but suddenly Zayn pointed at a spot behind Liam and said:

“I think I see Mario Kart there.”

Liam turned back to the shelves and grinned. The game was indeed right in front of his eyes.

***

Twenty minutes later, they were head to head in the final race of the Grand Prix and were playing dirtier by the minute, each of them shamelessly throwing shells at the other to slow him down. They had both been much more polite at first, but as the the game advanced they had become increasingly competitive, and Liam kept teasing Zayn for not being able to avoid banana peels while Zayn snickered every time Liam was passed by Luigi. Eventually Liam won—as he should—but Zayn was just within a hair’s breadth of coming first.

“Better luck next time”, Liam declared in a fake-superior way.

“I can’t believe you’re still so good at it”, replied Zayn, shaking his head. “Have you been practicing all these years or something?”

“Are you kidding? I don’t even have a TV at my place! No, it’s just natural talent, mate.”

“Hey there, don’t get cheeky!”, Zayn teased as he gently punched Liam’s arm.

Liam raised his eyebrows. He grabbed a cushion behind his back and punched Zayn’s arm with it while saying:

“ _You’re_ the one getting cheeky right now!” 

Zayn grinned and armed himself with a cushion as well.

“What are we, twelve?”

“I guess so!” Liam replied breathily as they launched into a full-on fight, Liam getting hit in the head and trying to retaliate, but Zayn kept blocking him with his arm. 

Zayn started to giggle and that was quite possibly the most beautiful sound Liam had ever heard in his life—and he listened to A LOT of music.

“Look who’s got the upper hand now?” Zayn asked as he got closer to Liam on the couch, his face just a few inches away, and their bodies only separated by their respective cushion. 

They both stopped moving and looked at each other, still smiling. Liam felt his heart race as he watched Zayn’s perfectly shaped brown eyes framed with his long eyelashes. How were they even real? he asked himself absently. They suddenly heard the front door close, and Harry’s voice call out to them: “Guys, I’m back!”

They blinked and the moment was gone.

***

The next morning, Liam woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door, way too early for his own taste. He rolled his eyes.

“What the fuck, H, can’t a man get some rest?”

But he heard an unexpected voice answer:

“Um, it’s Zayn, actually. Sorry. Can I talk to you quickly about something?”

“Oh er, yeah. Hang on.”

Liam rushed to his wardrobe to put on an old band t-shirt that he hadn’t worn since his high school days. Then he nearly fell to the floor trying to slip his jeans on, all the while wondering what all of this was about. He opened the door and realized too late that his hair must look like shit. But Zayn smiled at him and said:

“Hey. Sorry to wake you up. Um, can I come in? I don’t want Harry to hear us.”

“Sure”, Liam replied as he let Zayn in and closed the door. “What’s this about?” he asked, frowning.

“Oh, nothing serious, don’t worry! I just got a text from Louis telling me he decided to come here to get together with Harry, I assume. But he wants it to be a surprise for H and he’s taking the train, so I told him I would give him you guys’ address but I can’t remember it”, he said, seeming a little nervous.

“Oh no worries! But actually you know what? Maybe it would be better if I picked him up at the station. Otherwise it’s gonna take him hours to make it here with the bus.”

Zayn nodded.

“Yeah, that’s true. But won’t Harry be wondering where you’re going?”

Liam shrugged. 

“I don’t know, I’ll just tell him I’m running some errands. And you can keep him busy in the meantime, I’ll only be gone for an hour at the most.”

“Okay, well I guess I’ll call Louis right now to tell him.”

After the call ended and they agreed with Louis that Liam would pick him up in an hour, Zayn nervously ruffled his hair and said:

“Sorry again I woke you up.”

Liam shook his head.

“No, no, it’s absolutely fine.”

Zayn nodded and was about to turn around when his attention was seemingly drawn to something on Liam’s desk.

“Oh. Did you bring your art?”

Liam blushed and cursed himself for leaving one of his drawings out in the open. Not that he was ashamed of it, and Zayn had already seen some of his stuff online anyway, but he had never actually shown it to anyone in real life.

“Um, yeah. I thought being here would be a good opportunity to try some watercolour. So I brought my sketchbook with me.”

“Cool! I actually did the same thing. Maybe we can have a painting session together later today? I’m assuming Harry and Louis will be too busy to pay attention to us.”

And as scary as it sounded to be making art in Zayn’s presence, Liam was also very excited at the prospect.

“Yeah, that would be great actually, let’s do this!”

***

As he once again found himself in his car and driving to the station, Liam started pondering about what had happened since the day before. Most of his thoughts until then had been occupied by Harry’s situation with Louis, but now that things were probably going to be settled for them soon, he allowed himself to think about Zayn and about whatever seemed to be happening between them. They had definitely had a moment during their post-Mario Kart fight the day before, and things had also seemed a little tense between them that morning. Not tense in a bad way, but more like in a “oh we almost kissed yesterday, should we do it for real now?” way.

And that was not something Liam would have ever expected to feel towards his little brother’s best friend. Or actually, maybe he was lying to himself. He did remember finding Zayn insanely cool even back when they all were awkward teenagers. Like, the guy could board like a pro, and had always been pursuing art projects at a time when Liam didn’t really allow himself to even think he could give it a try. So, maybe deep down he’d had a crush on Zayn, but would have never admitted it to himself because 1. once again, he was his little brother’s best friend, 2. he was way too cool for him and 3. he always seemed to have a girlfriend anyway. 

But now that they’d both grown up, that Liam had gotten a little cooler himself—at least he hoped so—and that Zayn was actually into guys too… Maybe they could be a thing? Not to mention, the attraction seemed to be mutual. There had been definite signs.

And just as he was reaching this satisfying conclusion, Liam arrived at the train station.

***

When they came back home and Louis immediately left to find Harry on the cliffs, Liam and Zayn found themselves alone, once again. They sat on the steps on the front porch, and Zayn wordlessly offered Liam a cigarette. This reminded Liam of a time, several years ago now, when they would both find themselves in the exact same spot and silently smoke together, often after a boarding session. They’d never explicitly discussed it, but it had become some kind of tradition between them, and it had lasted for a few months, up until Liam had left for uni. But things were a little different now. He said:

“Oh thanks, but I quit a few months ago.”

“Shit, sorry”, Zayn mumbled as he put the packet back in his jeans’ pocket. 

“I mean, you can smoke, I don’t mind.”

“No, it’s fine. I think it’s time for me to quit too anyway.”

Liam nodded and they fell into silence for a few seconds. It wasn’t exactly an awkward kind of silence but Liam felt nervous, and judging by the way his leg was bouncing, Zayn probably did too. He eventually cleared his throat and asked:

“So, um, what did you think of Louis?”

“Oh, he seems great! We actually talked quite a lot about art and books on our way back, he’s definitely an interesting guy. And also, he seems very taken with Harry. So I think it’s gonna work out.”

“Yeah, that’s what I think too. I’m really happy that they finally figured it out, they should have been together months ago already.”

And Liam felt like it was now or never. He would probably regret it his whole life if he didn’t try something. Looking down at the grass in front of him, he blurted out:

“Well, you know, I think a few months is not that long, all things considered. Some people take years to get their shit together and realize who they should really be with.”

In his peripheral vision, he saw Zayn turn his head to look at him, but he kept his eyes down. Almost whispering, Zayn asked:

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Liam felt his heart race and replied in an equally quiet way:

“I don’t know, what do you think I’m saying?”

Zayn reached out for his chin and delicately turned Liam’s face towards him.

“I think you’re trying to ask me out.”

Liam nervously bit his lower lip.

“And what would you think about that?”

Zayn grinned, and that was quite possibly the most beautiful thing that Liam had ever seen in his life.

“Honestly? I think 16-year-old me would be mad at me for not having kissed you yet.”

Liam frowned and started saying:

“Wait, were into me back then t…”

But he interrupted himself when Zayn leaned down, still holding his chin between his soft fingers, and pressed a quick kiss to Liam’s lips.

They looked at each other wordlessly, and Zayn raised his eyebrows, as if asking: “Is that okay?”, and Liam nodded, this time leaning towards Zayn to kiss him more earnestly.

Their kiss progressively deepened, Liam raising his hands to grab Zayn’s shoulders while Zayn cupped his face between his palms. After a while, they were both breathless, but neither of them seemed eager to stop. Liam felt as if he’d been waiting for this to happen his whole life, as if everything finally made sense, as if things would inevitably be okay from now on. Even though that was pretty much the first time they touched, there was a deep sense of familiarity in being in Zayn’s arms right now, and he felt like nothing could ever make him leave that comforting spot.

Except of course, they got interrupted by Harry and Louis coming back hand in hand from the beach, Louis clearing his throat and raising his eyebrows, faking outrage, while Harry looked fondly at all of them and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much to everyone who's read this and left comments. This fic and these characters will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm only hoping some of you connected to it as well 💕  
> Just a reminder that the fic post is [here](https://quelsentiment.tumblr.com/post/626276139015585792/say-it-back-by-wordsnnotes-aka-quelsentiment) if you want to give it a reblog 🥰  
> Love you all. xx.


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